


Talk Is Cheap

by gunsforeyes



Series: Bodyswap [1]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Swap, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-14 16:02:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9190838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gunsforeyes/pseuds/gunsforeyes
Summary: Robbie Rotten's latest scheme goes wrong, and he and Sportacus find themselves forced to experience life in the other's shoes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: I fixed some of the formatting issues- apparently ao3 doesn't preserve your italics, so I had to go back and put them all in manually with html. This is my first time posting anything with actual grammar, so please be patient with me while I figure out how to use this website, lol!

Robbie Rotten rubbed his hands together with glee. This was it! This was the invention that would finally get rid of Sportaflop - _for good_. He tinkered with it a little, adjusting the knobs minutely, the habit of a perfectionist.

He’d already placed the sensor that would connect Sportacus to the machine earlier that day; the fool didn’t realize that the “friendly” pat on the back Robbie gave him would seal his doom.

He allowed himself a maniacal laugh before laboriously dragging the machine out of the hatch and into Lazytown proper, his gray-green eyes scanning the area for any sign of Sportacus, ignoring for once the bright sun that was the bane of his existence.

_

Robbie found him at the baseball diamond, of course - those wretched children certainly loved baseball. After his own ill-advised foray into the sport, watching them running around the field left a sour taste in his mouth. 

He set up the machine behind a nearby tree - he hadn’t put on a disguise, but everyone was so enthralled by their stupid sports that they didn’t notice him at work. His keen eye saw that Sportacus still wore the sensor he had placed on him - a lucky break. He had brought a backup just in case, but it looked as though that wouldn’t be necessary. He almost laughed again, but caught himself in time. It wouldn’t do to be discovered now.

This machine, provided it worked correctly (with the blind pride of a true villain, he had no doubt that it would), would turn Sportacus back into a baby. A baby! The idea delighted him. What harm could a mere baby do? Once Sportakook was helpless, the town would finally be his again. And who would care for the infant Sportacus afterwards? _Not my problem!_

Taking a deep breath, his face broke into a sinister smile. This would be the last time he would ever see Sportacus running around, causing him no end of grief. Playing with the children, smiling, laughing…

Did his hand hesitate over the button, just for a moment? If it did, no one else was around to see it. 

As the machine crackled to life, he looked up just in time to see the errant baseball flying straight towards him.

_

He woke up with the children gathered around, their faces a mix of worry and fear.

“What happened? Are you okay??”

He expected to have one hell of a headache, but surprisingly enough he felt fine. No… better than fine. He’d never felt this good in his life. Did that baseball knock something lose in his brain? Was he having delusions?

“I’m fine! Get away from me!” he growled, pulling himself to a sitting position. Did his… voice sound different too?

“Sportacus!” Stephanie stepped away, her brow furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m not Sportacus, you idiot child-”

The words and the usual venom that supplied them froze in his throat. Was that…

Across the field, behind a tree, Robbie Rotten was sitting up, a dazed look on his face,  something in his hand…

As the other Robbie opened his hand and looked questioningly at what was contained there, the real Robbie’s heart sank.

_The other sensor._

An uncontrollable tremor ran through Robbie as he looked down at himself. Instead of the familiar pinstripes, there was nothing but blue. Blue pants, blue boots, blue bracers, that obnoxious S on his belt…

_This can’t be happening._

“Robbie!” Trixie said accusingly, and he flinched out of instinct. But she was yelling at the other Robbie, who had to be none other than the hated Sportaflop. Even on Robbie’s face, his dopey expression was unmistakable. “What did you do to Sportacus?”

Sportacus rubbed his head, where the baseball had hit. “I… I didn’t…”

Robbie sprang to his feet (which took much less energy than he was used to, and he almost flung himself face-first into the dirt in the process) and stomped over to where Sportacus was sitting. “Give me that, you idiot!” he hissed, snatching the sensor out of his hand.

Sportacus looked up at him, the few neurons in his brain clearly firing at top speed. “...Robbie? What… happened?”

“You _ruined_ it! Like you ruin _everything!_ You… absolute _moron!_ ”

Sportacus finally noticed the machine beside him. “How…”

“ _Obviously_ this is not what I intended! Move, I’m going to fix what _you_ screwed up.” Shoving Sportacus out of the way, he knelt beside the machine. He slapped one sensor on each of them, more roughly than was necessary, and switched on the machine.

Nothing.

Nothing but feeble sparks.

_“What??”_

Robbie punched it in impotent fury, receiving only bruised knuckles for his trouble. 

“Why won’t this stupid thing _work?_ ”

The kids huddled a few feet away, clearly frightened. Robbie glanced at Sportacus to see his reaction and took some grim pleasure in noting the helpless look on his face. For once, he couldn’t play the hero.

But as soon as the look came, it passed, and Sportacus stood up, smiling as he always did.

“It’s okay, guys! I guess one of Robbie’s inventions went wrong- but we’ll fix it!”

“ _I’ll_ fix it,” Robbie hissed from the ground beside him.

“What if he can’t?” Stingy asked, his normally shrill voice gone quiet.

Sportacus put his fists on his hips and grinned at him. God, it was weird to see him in his usual pose, in a body so unaccustomed to it. 

“I’m sure he can! Robbie is a genius!” He looked down at Robbie, and the villain saw the stern glare behind the smile. An unspoken message, _agree with me, so the kids won’t be afraid._

It was so tempting to ignore that look and tell them it was impossible to fix, that their hero was now trapped in the sub-par body of his worst enemy. That he’d never be able to save anyone again.

Robbie sighed inwardly. “That’s right!” he said brightly. Sportacus would be able to detect the sarcasm in his voice, but the children wouldn’t. “I’ll get this working, and you’ll have your hero back in a jiffy!”

They breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good,” Stephanie said, a smile slowly coming back to her face, but then it melted away again. “But Sportacus! What if someone needs help?”

“Then Robbie will help them,” Sportacus said, his smile beginning to look awfully sinister from where Robbie was sitting.

_

Robbie had carried the machine back to his lair with no trouble at all - it really was amazing how strong Sportacus’s body was. Bringing it out to the field in the first place, he had left grooves in the dirt from where he’d had to drag it - he felt a twinge of satisfaction at how Sportacus must be suffering in _his_ body.

Sportaflop, who was of course following him back to the lair, and shooting daggers at Robbie’s back the entire way.

“You don’t have to follow me, you know,” he grumbled, setting the machine on a work table and fumbling around for tools. “It’s not like you’ll be any help.”

Sportacus stumbled, and steadied himself on the table. “Are you always this tired, Robbie?” he asked, beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

Robbie glanced up at him, and had to grin. “Yes. I suppose you’d better get used to it. No telling how long this is going to take.”

As he opened up the machine and Sportacus took a shaky seat on the orange chair, he had an awful idea. 

What if… he _didn’t_ fix it?

Okay, so this was hardly ideal, and not what he’d had in mind, but… Sportacus was still all but helpless right now. He certainly was in no condition to save anyone, or go flippity-flopping all over town. 

And surely, what he’d said about Robbie being a hero in his place - that was just a joke, right?

Looking up from the machine’s inner workings, a smile spread across his face. “Sportaf- I mean, Sportacus… Can I get you anything? Cake? Hot chocolate?”

“No thank you,” Sportacus responded feebly, his annoyance with Robbie forgotten in his exhaustion. “Do you have any sportscandy? Or water?”

“Of course,” he said sweetly, heading for the fridge. He poured Sportacus a glass of water, and greedily eyed the slice of cake within. He’d need some energy to “fix” the machine; maybe he’d take a quick snack break first.

Grabbing a nearby fork, he took a generous bite, relishing the comforting texture and sweetness, and then suddenly everything went black. 

_

He awoke sometime later, feeling groggy and sluggish (although that was hardly unusual), to a strangely familiar deep voice.

“Robbie, eat this -”

He pushed the object away and tried to go back to sleep, but the voice was insistent.

“ _Robbie!_ You have to eat this if you want to feel better!”

“I don’t _caaare,_ ” he groaned, and the voice sighed. 

“Fine, if that’s how you want to be,” and then something strange was in Robbie’s mouth, the stranger holding his jaw shut, forcing him to chew.

“Mmph!” Robbie grunted in indignation, trying to sit up and inadvertently swallowing whatever it was he had been fed.

Suddenly the fog around his brain seemed to lift, and energy came flowing back into his body, bringing with it the memory of his situation.

Sportacus - in Robbie’s body, that was going to be hard to get used to - gave him a weak smile. “Did you forget that my body can’t process sugar?”

Robbie grumbled and pulled himself into a sitting position with the help of the chair’s orange fur. With Sportacus’s strength, he didn’t really need to, but old habits died hard. “How do you live like this?”

Sportacus shrugged, and Robbie noticed for the first time beads of sweat on his forehead. “Did you… drag me onto the chair?”

“Yes,” Sportacus said, tilting his head like he didn’t understand why Robbie would ask. “I wasn’t fast enough to catch you, but I didn’t want to just leave you lying on the floor.”

Robbie snorted. “Why not?”

Sportacus blinked at him. It was strange seeing such an innocent expression on Robbie’s own face. “Because it… probably wasn’t comfortable?”

“I tried to turn you into a _baby,_ and it’s _my_ fault that you’re in my body now, and you were worried that I wasn’t _comfortable?_ ”

Sportacus looked at him blankly, then started to laugh. Robbie flinched, but it didn’t look like violence was forthcoming - the elf really seemed to think it was funny. “I guess you’re right, Robbie,” he chuckled, wiping away a tear. “Still, I’m not going to leave you on the floor.”

“Well, that’s up to you, I guess,” Robbie muttered.

“Besides, I’m sure you weren’t really going to turn me into a baby. Or at least, not forever. I don’t remember what it was like being a baby; if I didn’t need to save anyone, it probably would have been fun to be a baby again for a while!”

Robbie stared at him. “Yes, I _was_ ,” he said, speaking slowly, as if to a child. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well… I…”

“I’ve wanted you gone ever since the first day your stupid airship darkened the sky over my town! That’s the _only_ thing I’ve wanted. That’s what I’ve been trying to do this entire time, you idiot! Get _rid_ of you!”

Robbie didn’t like the naked display of emotion on Sportacus’s face - _his_ face. Sportacus had never been good at hiding his feelings, and that didn’t change no matter what body he was in. He looked… hurt. Confused. Vulnerable.

“And get that stupid look off my face,” Robbie hissed, jumping out of the chair with more force than he intended. It really was almost too easy to move in this body. He breezed past Sportacus, sitting unmoving (for once) on the floor. He was glad to be back to work on the machine, where he didn’t have to look at him or think about the devastated expression on the hero’s face.

___

Robbie was ignoring Sportacus with such fervor that he didn’t even notice when the elf left. It had been surprisingly hard to climb the tunnel out of Robbie’s lair, and even harder to ascend the ladder to the airship. Once he reached the top, he was sweating profusely, out of breath, and more than ready to sleep, even though the sun had just gone down and it would be another hour or so until 8:08.

“Open,” he said hoarsely, and waited. And waited. And waited.

“...Open.”

Still nothing. 

_What is going on?_ Sportacus cleared his throat. “Open!” he said more forcefully, and banged on the hatch.  

It took another minute of begging and pounding on the door before Sportacus remembered that the airship was voice-command activated. 

He was dizzy, utterly exhausted, and clearly not sleeping in his own bed tonight.

His first thought was to go back to Robbie’s, and see if perhaps he had a spare chair or something that he could sleep on. But he dismissed that idea as soon as it occurred. _Robbie hates me,_ he thought, and the realization made his heart sink. He knew the “villain” thought he was annoying, and sure, Robbie had tried to get him to leave Lazytown since he’d arrived. But none of those schemes had worked, and Sportacus had been sure that, given enough time, they’d become friends. He liked Robbie, as strange as he was. He was funny, and had a good heart deep down, and their rivalry had even been fun, in a way. But knowing that Robbie really, truly _hated_ him and would be happier with him gone, made Sportacus feel more miserable than any body-switching machine or faulty voice-command ever could.

With newfound sorrow in his heart, he slowly began the long climb back down to the town.

_

Where was he going to stay tonight? Maybe with one of the kids? His misadventure must have taken longer than he thought, because once he reached the ground it was full dark and all the lights in the town were out.

_No, I can’t wake them up._ He knew better than anyone the importance of a good night’s sleep.

Well, there were always the benches. He chose the most comfortable-looking one and staggered over to it, collapsing in relief.

Summoning his last reserves of optimism and trying to ignore the cold reality, he forced himself to sleep. _Tomorrow will be better. I’m sure._

___

Robbie worked on the machine until he was confident it was fixed, but he left a few odds and ends lying around to make it look unfinished, in case Sportacus came back to check up on it. Despite the turmoil of the day, he thought he might actually sleep tonight. For once he wasn’t wired on sugar (although not by choice), and for the first time since he could remember he slept through the night, and if he dreamed, he forgot them as soon as he woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Chet Faker's song "Talk is Cheap," which I listened to endlessly on repeat while writing this.


	2. Chapter 2

“R… Robbie?”

Sportacus awoke to Ziggy’s cautious voice, and he blinked, frowning a little. How late had he slept? The sun was bright in the sky, and he was stiff and aching. 

“Robbie? Is that you?”

He tried to smile despite the pain he was in, more emotional than physical. He’d had aches and pains before; they would pass. “No, it’s me, Sportacus.”

“So you’re still in Robbie’s body.” Ziggy looked crestfallen. “He couldn’t fix it? Are you going to be like this forever?”

Sportacus laughed, and it came out sounding just like Robbie’s laugh, making Ziggy step back a little in surprise. He cleared his throat. “He’s still hard at work on it! Don’t worry, we’ll be back to normal in no time.”

Ziggy didn’t look entirely convinced, but after a moment he beamed at Sportacus. “Ok, good!” he said cheerfully, and tottered off, once again preoccupied by his lollipop.

The children trusted him implicitly, and it made him uneasy to know that he was lying to them. Well, not lying - Robbie _was_ a genius, as Sportacus had said before, and surely would be able to fix the machine - but not telling them the whole truth. If it wasn’t fixed yet, how much longer was it going to take?

His thoughts were interrupted by a flash of blue and a tortured scream. 

_“How do you turn this thing OFF??”_

“Robbie?” Sportacus leapt off of the bench, and stumbled as his joints cracked and his muscles complained at the sudden movement. He shook off the discomfort and rushed over to Robbie, who was crouched on the ground digging at the crystal on his chest.

“Get this _out_ of me!” Robbie was wailing, almost in tears. 

“Robbie! It’s okay. I’ll help you. Calm down!”

Robbie looked up at him pleadingly. “It’s in my _head!”_

“I know. I know. It’s okay. We’ll talk about that later. What do you see?”

Robbie shook his head, some clarity coming back to his eyes. “The pink girl… She’s…”

_“Help!”_

Stephanie was gripping onto the outside of the treehouse, her feet scrambling to find purchase on the walls but failing. Sportacus saw in his mind the route he’d have to take to catch her and instinctively got to his feet, but remembered with a sinking heart that he’d never be able to do it.

“Robbie. You have to save her.”

To his credit, Robbie didn’t argue, or refuse. “How?” he said, desperation in his voice.

Sportacus took Robbie’s shoulders firmly. “It’s just muscle memory. Let instinct take over. You can do this.”

Robbie looked doubtful, but Stephanie was slipping and they were running out of time. “Robbie, you’re the only one who can do this! You have to go _now!”_

Robbie took a deep breath and was off like a shot. There were much fewer flips than Sportacus would have preferred, but with Robbie’s natural clumsiness, even in Sportacus’s body, that was probably for the best. He stopped under the tree just in time to catch Stephanie in his arms as she fell.

“Sportacus! You-” The words stopped in her throat as she took a closer look at the man who had saved her. “You’re… _Robbie?”_

Robbie looked dazed, and looked back at Stephanie as though trying to gauge whether or not she was real. Stephanie was clearly skeptical of this turn of events, but after a moment, she hugged Robbie tightly around the neck.

“Thanks, Robbie,” she said, smiling. “Thanks for saving me.” Then she was off, giggling with her friends about her brush with danger, planning their next soccer game.

Sportacus put a hand on Robbie’s shoulder, and Robbie jumped. Sportacus smiled down at him. “You did a good thing, Robbie. You’re really a hero.”

Robbie blinked rapidly, and swallowed as though he was trying to speak, but then he shook off Sportacus’s hand and stalked off without a word.

“Robbie! Wait-”

But then he was just a blue blur again, racing off to who knows where.

___

Sportacus gave him some time, then set out to find him again. Surprisingly, he wasn’t in his lair, but seated underneath the tree near the baseball diamond, the same one he’d hidden behind when he activated the machine the first time.

His hat was askew, and without thinking Sportacus tugged it back down just a little. Too late, he remembered how jumpy Robbie was, and kicked himself for the sudden move. But Robbie was too lost in his own thoughts to mind.

“...Robbie?”

Robbie blinked wearily in response, still staring straight ahead.

“Robbie, are you okay?”

Silence, then a deep intake of breath.

“I never knew how your crystal worked,” he said shakily, so softly that Sportacus had to lean in to hear him. “I guess I should have asked.”

He made fists with his hands, clenching them, unclenching them. “It was… like… I could feel what she felt. How scared she was. My thoughts weren’t mine anymore.”

“I know,” Sportacus said, wanting to put a comforting arm around him, but knowing it wouldn’t be welcome. It had been hard to get used to the crystal at first, but at least he’d known what he was getting into. Robbie was already so fragile, so emotional, his mind intensely private. He could only imagine how scary it must have been for him to feel all that, so fast, with no warning, no way to prepare for it. His heart ached.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I should have told you what would happen if it went off.”

Robbie huffed and got to his feet. “It doesn’t matter. We’re going to switch back, and then this won’t happen again.”

“Oh?” Sportacus jumped up, and immediately regretted it. This body really wasn’t used to quick movements. “You got it fixed?”

“Well. Almost.” Robbie avoided his eyes.

“Good!” Sportacus went to clap him on the back, and stopped halfway there, dropping his arm awkwardly. “I knew you could do it!”

“Yeah.” Robbie waved him away and went to leave, but stopped abruptly. “Should I… give this back to you?” He gestured vaguely at the crystal on his chest.

“No,” Sportacus said, smiling. “You should keep it for now. I mean, if you want.” He paused. “You make a good hero, Robbie.”

Robbie opened his mouth to speak, but at the last word his mouth snapped shut and he stormed away to his lair, leaving Sportacus looking after him, as usual, in puzzled fondness.

___

Robbie was so full of rage by the time he got to his lair that he was shaking. He picked up a nearby pipe and threw it, gratified by how hard it hit the wall. Everything he could get his hands on, he threw, knocking to the ground heavy machinery with just one swipe of a muscular arm. The fact that his strength was stolen, however, just made him more furious.

Finally spent, emotionally if not physically, he collapsed onto his big furry chair. Surveying the destruction of his home, he burst into tears.

 _A hero?_ How _dare_ he say something like that to him? The hate he had for Sportacus solidified until it was like a rock sitting heavy in his chest. 

Sportacus was laughing at him. _Mocking_ him. He knew as well as Robbie did that the one thing Robbie could never be was a _hero._ Tossing that cruel fact in his face.

 _“It’s funny that you would believe me though,”_ the Sportacus in his mind said, his kind features transformed into a gruesomely grinning caricature. _“That you’d believe me, even just a little, even for a second. You’re useless, Robbie. And you know it.”_

 _“Shut UP!”_ Robbie screamed, leaping to his feet, looking for something else to throw. He caught a glimpse of his hands instead, tanned, callused, and he punched the metal walls until his knuckles bled.

___

When Stephanie opened the hatch to Robbie’s lair and didn’t get an answer when she shouted, she let herself in. She felt uneasy doing so, but Sportacus needed clean clothes, even if he wasn’t going to ask for them himself. 

She stepped carefully, calling for Robbie, but he was nowhere to be found, his lab in shambles. “Um…”

Stephanie really didn’t want to snoop, as curious as she was about the mess. But since she was already here, she might as well grab some clothes and get out as fast as she could. She wasn’t afraid of Robbie - who could be? - but if he caught her she was sure to get a long, dramatic lecture on breaking and entering. Hypocritical of him, maybe, but Robbie had never made a lot of sense. 

Investigating along the back wall, she found a tiny lever that blended into its surroundings so well she almost passed it by. Pulling it cautiously, she saw that it opened up into a bedroom.

 _Bingo!_ She headed for the closet, operated by another hidden lever, and inspected its contents carefully, hands on her hips. The usual pinstripe suits, hung together carefully, and some shelves off to the side containing more neatly-folded purple clothes. Several pairs of thick, black-rimmed glasses sat on top of the shelves.

 _I don’t know if the stripes are really Sportacus’s style,_ Stephanie thought to herself, grimacing. Luckily in the pile of clothes she found some sweatpants and a t-shirt and, interestingly, some purple sneakers. 

_Why would he have these?_ Nevertheless, Stephanie was pleased with what she’d found, and she was sure Sportacus would be too. As she turned to leave she looked at the glasses questioningly. Robbie’s disguises were in tubes in the lab - why were these here, in the closet? After a moment, she took a pair of them too, just in case. She put everything neatly into her bag, left Robbie a note, and climbed back up to the town, wondering again where Robbie could be hiding.

___

Robbie sat in the shower, fully clothed, letting the freezing water wash the anger off of him. He’d tried to take a walk in the night air to calm himself down, but the more he moved, the more frustrated he’d gotten, and he’d come home even more upset than when he’d left. 

Finally, he turned off the water with a grumble, feeling if not better, at least empty. Stumbling out of the shower, dripping, he saw a note on pink paper on his bedside table. Right - he’d noticed that when he came home, but had been too worked up for it to register. He picked it up.

_Dear Robbie,_

_Sportacus needed some clean clothes, I hope you don’t mind that I grabbed some of yours for him to wear until the machine is fixed! I guess the voice recognition on his airship isn’t working, so he’s staying with me and my uncle for now. Thanks again for saving me today!_

_Love, Stephanie_

Robbie crumpled the note in his fist. So Sportacus was locked out, huh? That gave him a tiny bit of pleasure. He supposed he should also be indignant at the breaking and entering, not to mention gross violation of privacy, but he was honestly too tired to care. 

He eyed his bed warily, considering it. It was a perfectly fine bed, complete with silk purple pinstriped sheets, but he never slept in it. He preferred to sleep in his chair - in his bed, for some reason, he always had nightmares. 

But he was too tired to care about that either, and he laid on top of the comforter, still soaking wet, and when he dreamed they were indeed nightmares.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the kudos and super encouraging comments!! This chapter will be a little steamier than the others, just a forewarning!

Once she got home, Stephanie kicked off her shoes, ran past her uncle with a quick hello, and found Sportacus in the living room doing some light stretches.

“Sportacus!”

He straightened up, smiling at her. Still so strange to see Sportacus’s usual smile on Robbie’s face.

Stephanie wondered if Robbie had ever had opportunity to smile like that himself. She remembered the mess his lab had been in and felt a little guilty. Hopefully he was okay…

“What have you got there, Stephanie?” Sportacus’s voice jolted her back to reality.

“Oh! Right! Well, since you can’t get into your airship, and we don’t know how long you’ll be like this, I wanted to bring you some clean clothes!” She held the bag out toward him, smiling.

“Oh wow! Thanks!” Sportacus took them gratefully, and Stephanie felt some pride at her forward-thinking. “Robbie gave you these?”

“Um…” Stephanie fixed her gaze beyond Sportacus’s shoulder. “I mean, I’m sure he would have if he had been there…”

“Robbie wasn’t at home?” Sportacus was frowning, and it looked like a gentle scolding would be forthcoming. 

“Anyway! I hope you like them! I have to go meet Trixie, I’ll see you later!” Stephanie bounced out of the room and was out the door in a flash.

Sportacus smiled after her, and turned his attention to the bag she had handed him. Sweatpants, a t-shirt, and sneakers. He breathed a sigh of relief. Not that Robbie’s normal outfit wasn’t stylish, it was just… a little revealing. Even with every inch of skin save hands and face covered, it felt like he was practically naked. 

Speaking of… he probably needed a shower.

Heading up the stairs, he put the bag onto the bed in the guest bedroom, and rubbed at his eyes. Why were Robbie’s eyes so itchy? Did he have allergies? He felt a little like his eyelids were sticking together.

Sliding out of his clothes with ease, he went to grab the towel on the bathroom sink, and stopped. _Robbie’s arms -_

He traced a hesitant index finger over one of the marks, his heart sinking farther than he thought possible. _Scars._

“Oh, Robbie,” he whispered, wanting to cry. Robbie’s smooth, pale skin was marred by rows of scars that had to have been self-inflicted. Some smaller, in neat rows, and some long and jagged, criss-crossing, made with fury and pain.

It made sense now why he’d never been able to help Robbie. He’d been going about it all wrong. He thought with enough time and encouragement Robbie would come out of his shell and accept the friendship Sportacus offered him. But there was clearly much more to him than Sportacus knew, and he suspected the scars on Robbie’s heart were even deeper than the ones on his arms. 

“I’m so sorry, Robbie,” he said softly, the tears falling now. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

___  
He showered quickly and with his eyes closed, both out of respect for Robbie’s privacy and in fear that he’d find more of those scars elsewhere. He got dressed just as quickly, and frowned curiously at what was left in the bag.

 _Glasses?_ But Robbie only wore glasses in his disguises.

“Ow!” His eyes were really stinging now, and rinsing them out with water in the shower hadn’t helped, just made them feel even more strangely gluey.

He laughed aloud, and tapped himself on the forehead. _Of course!_ Robbie must wear contacts!

After a few awkward minutes of poking himself in the eyes, he finally got the contacts out, and blinked, sighing in relief. _Much better._ He’d never had to deal with contacts before, and he never wanted to again. 

Putting the glasses on, he smiled as his vision returned, and gave himself a once-over in the mirror.

He looked…

Sportacus dismissed the word as soon as it came into his head. While he was in this body, it felt strangely narcissistic to call this face “handsome.” But he felt like he was seeing Robbie in a new light. With glasses, the makeup gone and the hair gel washed out, he looked vulnerable, and oddly endearing.

It was surprising, though, to see how much of the makeup was actually natural. He still had dark circles under his eyes, and Sportacus sighed. He really didn’t sleep enough, and he had rebuffed all Sportacus’s efforts at natural insomnia remedies - hot tea, yoga, deep breathing...

Sportacus felt a twinge of guilt as he remembered. Robbie must really think he was a fool. He had been recommending the equivalent of Band-Aids for deep wounds.

_No wonder he hates me._

Sportacus ran a hand through his wet hair, hating the unfamiliar feeling of helplessness, and caught a glimpse of his miserable face in the mirror.

_No! This won’t do!_

This face had had more than enough sorrowful looks. He put on a bright smile, and was determined that once it was returned to its proper owner, he would see it smile like that again.

___

Robbie woke up trembling, a cry caught in his throat. _The crystal - it -_

He scrabbled at his chest, searching for it. As his dreams faded, replaced with reality, he saw that it was still there, silent and calm.

He breathed a shaky sigh of relief. In his nightmare, it had grown black, inky tentacles, and squeezed them around his heart, and reached out to capture all of Lazytown in its horrific grip…

“Don’t be stupid,” he muttered to himself. “Sportacus would never have anything like that. It’s just a crystal.”

Still, he snuck another glance at it, just to make sure. 

“Okay, enough of this.” He hadn’t actually had a proper shower last night, and he felt disgusting. A quick shower, and then he’d check the machine again. With any luck, he’d be himself by the end of the day. 

He took off his boots, bracers, and hat, but hesitated at the shirt. This felt… creepy. Voyeuristic. 

“Well, what did Sportaflop expect? That I’d just wear his smelly clothes forever?” He tore them off as if they’d insulted him, and threw them in a heap on the floor. 

“There! Done!”

His cheeks felt hot. “Oh, come _on!_ Snap out of it!” He clapped his hands to his face a few times. “Like you’ve never seen a naked man before. Grow up.”

Muttering to himself, he stalked over to the shower, and paused. Was he really blushing _again?_ He _had_ to take a shower. There was no way around it.

He forced himself to step in, and turned on the water. _Calm down, you idiot. Just focus on the water._

He ran his hands through his hair, and stopped when he felt something unfamiliar. He followed the same path once more, and when he got to his ears - 

_Points?_

Surprising, but it made sense - wasn’t Sportacus some kind of weird sports elf? He laughed, and gave the tip of one an experimental flick.

_“Ow!”_

Pain shot through him, and he yanked his hand away, grimacing. Jeez. These things really were sensitive.

_Sensitive…_

That gave him an idea, and before he could stop himself, he touched his other ear, running his finger gently from the earlobe to the tip, caressing it…

Oh, _wow._ That was better. Much better…

Warmth, not entirely from the shower, flowed through him, and he almost purred. _No wonder he keeps these things covered._

He touched both ears this time, and it was like a switch was flipped. His anxiety had melted away, and all he could think about was how _good_ it felt, how good it would feel to…

A voice in his head warned him that he shouldn’t be doing this, but Robbie was used to ignoring his conscience.

He touched his chest, relishing the feel of the muscles move under the skin, of the soft curly hair, and his hand moved downward on its own. 

_“Ahh -”_ Sportacus was sensitive all over, it seemed. Robbie bit his lip, but the temptation was too great. Hadn’t he always wondered - out of scientific curiosity, of course - what was under the elf’s clothes? 

Heart pounding, he wrapped one hand around his - _Sportacus’s_ \- growing erection and gasped. How was the elf not constantly on a hair trigger? Especially with the tight clothes he always wore…

He banished any thought of Sportacus from his mind, which took some considerable mental gymnastics, and moved his hand back and forth slowly, holding onto the bar on the shower door for support. A low moan escaped his mouth - Sportacus’s voice - which strangely encouraged him. 

He moved faster - _yes, oh God, yes,_ please…

Until he pulled the handle off the shower door and collapsed on the floor, the metal bar hitting him in the head on the way down. 

Laying on the tile, a bruise forming, he sighed deeply. _This is what I get._ Suddenly he felt disgusted with himself, and finished his shower in record time, somehow feeling more dirty than when he’d started.

___

Sportacus sat on the bench, smiling at the kids playing football, and trying to catch his breath. Of course he’d joined in, but quickly realized he was only good for short bursts, his aching body struggling to keep up. Robbie really was in terrible shape, and with no outlet Sportacus’s natural energy was making him antsy. 

Taking deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart, he cast his gaze over the field, and saw a familiar figure sauntering agitatedly towards him. _Robbie!_

He motioned to the kids that he would be right back, and hurried towards him. Robbie was wearing his usual pinstripe suit, pant legs and sleeves rolled up a little to compensate for the size difference. It looked a little clownish on him, but Sportacus wasn’t going to judge him. He noted with relief, though, that Robbie was still wearing the hat, even though it clashed horribly with the rest of his outfit. _So he’s going to keep my secret._ He felt a wave of gratitude towards Robbie.

Robbie, however, looked upset. Lost. He grabbed Sportacus’s arm and pulled him farther away from the football field.

“Robbie, what’s -”

“The machine.” Robbie took a deep breath, his eyes wild. “It’s not working. I thought I fixed it, but - it won’t even turn on, and I don’t know what else I -”

Sportacus took Robbie gently by the shoulders, trying not to let Robbie’s panic infect him. “Robbie. Calm down. It’s going to be okay. I know you’ll figure it out.”

Robbie let out a strangled laugh. “Right. It’s always up to me. I always have to be the one to fix everything. That’s the only thing I’m good at. But I can’t even do _that_ anymore.”

Sportacus blinked in surprise at the venom in Robbie’s voice. Where was this coming from? If anything, he was the one always creating problems in Lazytown, not fixing them.

“Then let me help you! What can I do?”

Robbie glared at him. “Nothing. All you can do is flip around and pick up heavy things. And _you_ can’t do that anymore either, can you?”

Sportacus shrank back from Robbie, at a loss. “W-Well, I can… Stephanie said when she was there that things were a little… messy. Maybe… maybe I can come over and help clean up? Maybe you’re missing a piece or something… I could help you find it.”

Suddenly a horrible thought sprang to his mind. “Robbie! The crystal -”

Robbie reached into his vest pocket and pulled out the Number 10 emblem disinterestedly. “I have it.”

“Oh!” Sportacus breathed a sigh of relief. “Good.” He smiled, but hid it immediately. Robbie may have been distracted, but he hadn’t forgotten that the town needed him.

“And what about you?” Robbie looked at Sportacus as if seeing him for the first time. “You’re wearing my _glasses?_ And Stephanie couldn’t have stolen any makeup or pomade, too? Sheesh.” He stepped back, taking him in critically. “You look like a mess. I have a reputation here to uphold, and you’re destroying it. And what’s with this ratty old hoodie? You never wear sleeves, and it’s hot out -”

He took another step back, a horrified look on his face as the implications sunk in. “You… So you…”

“Stephanie let me borrow one of her dad’s sweatshirts that she brought with her,” Sportacus said, avoiding his eyes. “She... didn't see.”

Robbie swallowed hard, opened his mouth to speak, and swallowed again. “Well.” He cleared his throat. “Well.”

“Thanks for wearing my hat,” Sportacus said softly. 

For some reason, Robbie blushed deeply at that. “Yeah, it’s uh… It’s no problem.” He stared off into the distance, and they both stood in awkward silence for a moment. 

“Well, if you’re going to clean up my house,” Robbie said finally, “come on.”

“Oh! Really?” Robbie shot him a look, and Sportacus tried not to sound too eager. “I mean… sure, I’ll be there in a minute. I just need to grab something to eat.”

Robbie groaned. “You’re not feeding my body nothing but rabbit food, are you? You know I need a steady diet of cake to be in working order.”

Sportacus laughed, waving him away. “I know, Robbie.” A thought occurred to him. “Robbie… what have _you_ been eating?”

The guilty look Sportacus recieved and the shadows under Robbie’s eyes gave him the answer. “Robbie, you _need_ to-”

 _Don’t lecture him. That won’t help._ Sportacus swallowed his words and gave him a smile instead. “I’ll bring some food over for you too.”

Robbie grumbled, turning to leave. “Do whatever you want, I’m not eating your disgusting health food. Just hurry up.”

Watching Robbie’s characteristic walk, so at odds with his current body and oversized clothes, made Sportacus chuckle a little, and he raced (well, raced and then briskly walked as best he could) back to the Mayor’s house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> of course you have to be the one to fix it robbie... youre responsible for this whole situation... smh


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which sportacus shops at whole foods

Sportacus showed up at Robbie’s lair a while later, only slightly out of breath, lugging with him a bag full of food.

Robbie, who was intently studying the machine, eyed him suspiciously. “Did you rob the store, Sportaflop?”

Sportacus shook his head and chuckled. “I just thought you might need some groceries!”

Robbie groaned. “I’m dreading seeing what your idea of ‘groceries’ consists of.”

“Come on, Robbie! It’s not that bad. Look!”

Reluctantly, Robbie left his post and joined Sportacus by the refrigerator.

“See? I know you don’t like eating fruits and vegetables, so I brought lots of juice and smoothies. It’s still good for you but it doesn’t taste like vegetables! And here’s some pasta that comes in different colors. The orange ones are carrot, and the green ones are spinach - they just taste normal though, don’t worry! And this is -”

Watching Sportacus drone on about the health benefits of everything he’d brought, while reassuring him that it was all delicious, Robbie began to feel strange.

He’d thought Sportacus would just bring a bunch of raw produce, but it seemed the elf had really done his research. There wasn’t much in the bag that offended him at first sight, and he was a little surprised that Sportacus had gone through all this effort to feed him properly, while respecting what Robbie absolutely would not touch.

Robbie sneered at himself. Sportacus wasn’t doing this for him. He was just worried about his own body. He kicked himself for even thinking that Sportacus was really trying to help. 

“Well? What are _you_ going to eat? You know my body can’t process fruits and vegetables,” Robbie said snarkily, trying to imitate Sportacus’s earlier jab about the cake. 

Sportacus smiled. “I just thought we’d eat the same things. Are you hungry? What do you want to try first?”

Robbie’s stomach grumbled loudly, and Sportacus laughed. “Here’s a smoothie for now - it should keep you full until I can cook something else.”

“Don’t go out of your way,” Robbie muttered, but he took the drink that was offered to him.

It tasted… pretty good, actually, and it quelled the hunger gnawing in his belly, but he wasn’t going to admit that to Sportacus. 

“Whenever you’re done judging my kitchen, you can clean up the table over there,” Robbie snapped, gesturing to a huge pile of metal and gears. Sportacus just smiled and said,  
“Sure thing, Robbie, I’ll just put these away first.”

_What is he, moving in?_ Robbie shook his head and forced himself to concentrate. This situation had gotten wildly out of hand, and his idea to pretend to fix the machine had been, in retrospect, shortsighted. However, now that he actually wanted to, it didn’t work. He gave a deep sigh and began to go over the parts of the machine again, accounting for all of them, one by one.

Sportacus had started picking up the pieces on the floor and organizing them, although he didn’t know what any of them did, so he was hesitantly grouping them by how similar they looked. Hopefully that was good enough?

They both worked in silence for a few minutes, until Sportacus worked up the courage to speak. “Robbie…”

“I’m looking for a piece about this big,” Robbie interrupted, gesturing, not taking his eyes from the machine. “Shaped like an L. You think you can do that?”

“Oh! Um… I don’t think I’ve seen any like that yet. But I’ll keep looking!”

Robbie grunted, and Sportacus waited a moment, and tried again. 

“Robbie, I -”

“Do you _mind?_ I’m trying to focus. Unless you want to be stuck like _that_ forever?”

“I just thought, you might want to talk -”

“About what?” Robbie forced out a laugh. “About how much this sucks? I know how terrible it must be for you. I’m trying my best to get you back to normal, okay? So can you shut up for once?”

He sounded frazzled. “I know you are, Robbie! I’m not upset. All I meant was -”

Robbie dropped the piece he was holding onto the table with a bang. “I know _exactly_ what that condescending tone means. And I’m telling _you_ , I’m not interested. So take a hint, and mind your own -”

He was interrupted by the screech of metal on metal, and heard Sportacus gasp. Robbie whirled around to see that several large pieces on top of the junk pile were slipping, falling straight for - 

The crystal went off, flashing urgently, and Robbie gritted his teeth and forced its influence out of his mind. “Yes, I _know,_ you dumb rock!” 

Robbie dashed over to him, leaping easily over the debris in his way. Sportacus tried to run, but Robbie’s body was too slow, too clumsy, and he tripped and went down, the metal right on top of him.

_“Sportacus!”_ Robbie slid to a stop, and began digging him out. Thankfully it was an easy job - as heavy as the parts were, Sportacus’s body had no problem lifting them out of the way as if it was nothing. “Sportacus - oh God, are you -”

He finally found him, looking dazed, grimacing slightly. “I’m - I’m okay, Robbie.”

_“Jesus._ You stupid idiot.” He breathed a sigh of relief, despite himself. “You really have to be more -”

The word died in his throat at the sight of blood. 

“What…”

Sportacus followed his gaze, and went pale. There was a deep cut on his calf, the culprit a sharp metal plate lying beside him.

“Robbie… I’m…”

“Shut up. Can you move your leg at all?” Heart pounding, Robbie raced to the cabinet where he kept the first aid kit. There was alcohol, gauze, bandage tape in there… that should be okay for now. 

He grabbed it and ran back to Sportacus, who looked devastated. “I… yeah, I can move it… but…”

“Then maybe it wasn’t deep enough to cut through a tendon. Okay. Roll up your pant leg and hold still.”

Sportacus obliged, and Robbie poured disinfectant on the wound. Sportacus didn’t even flinch, which was strange considering how scared he seemed. 

Robbie ripped at the gauze with shaking hands, wrapping it tightly around Sportacus’s leg. “Okay. That should be fine until we can get you to a doctor.” 

“Robbie…” Sportacus looked to be on the verge of tears. “I’m… I’m so sorry…”

Robbie looked at him like he’d gone crazy. “What? Why?” Did Sportacus think he was really mad at him? Okay, so he’d yelled at him, and called him an idiot, but what else was he supposed to do in a crisis?

“I... “ Sportacus looked down. “I wanted to take care of your body… while I was in it… and then I…”

Robbie heaved a deep sigh. “You’re so _stupid._ I was just -” _Scared._ “-I thought you were dead, is all. And that would _really_ be inconvenient.” 

Sportacus still looked upset. “Look. It’s fine. It wasn’t your fault, and one more scar isn’t going to kill me.”

There. He’d said it. The unspoken thought between them was out in the open, and Robbie immediately regretted his word choice. 

He sighed again, feeling numb now that the adrenaline had drained out of him, and hung his head.

Sportacus put his hand on the back of Robbie’s head gently, bringing it to lay on his shoulder. 

Robbie didn’t pull away immediately. Sportacus was… comforting, he had to admit it. Infuriating, yes, and stupid, but hearing Sportacus’s heart pounding close to his relaxed him just a little. And he was relieved the elf hadn’t said anything else yet about the scars- or the scabs on his knuckles, which he had to have noticed.

After a moment he moved away with a sniff. “Okay. Come on, lets get you into town.” 

It was going to be annoying trying to get Sportacus up the tunnel with his injury. _Fine. So the tables have turned._

He bent down and scooped Sportacus up in his arms, surprised at how easy it was. Sportacus was surprised, too. “What -”

“I’m not going to drag you, or wait three hours for you to limp there on your own. Just -” _let me be strong for once,_ he thought, and Sportacus seemed to pick up on it. 

“Okay.” He smiled up at Robbie. “You’re the -” he almost said _hero,_ but remembering Robbie’s inexplicable aversion to the term, finished with “one in charge.”

He was gratified to see Robbie stand up a little straighter. “Just try not to bleed on me, Sportaflop.”

___

The visit to the doctor hadn’t taken long - he just cleaned out the wound a little more thoroughly, and gave Sportacus clean bandages to replace Robbie’s panicked, haphazard attempts to stop the bleeding. “I don’t think it even needs stitches, it should heal up nicely in no time!” he’d said, beaming. 

After they left, they took some time to sit on the bench outside and decompress. Sportacus watched Robbie stare up at the stars, frowning, lost in thought.

“Robbie…” he tried, expecting to be cut off again.

“What?”

He sounded tired, but at least he didn’t seem to be angry anymore. Sportacus felt a little encouraged. Maybe Robbie would finally really talk to him. 

But if he brought up the scars, Robbie would likely just shut down again. And what would he say, anyway? _Why did you do this to yourself? What happened?_ It sounded too accusatory, too disapproving. 

“...What did you mean when you said you ‘always have to be the one to fix everything’?”

Robbie started and stared at him for a moment, then shook his head. “Huh. I didn’t think you… Nevermind.” He took a deep breath, turning his gaze back to the stars. “Nothing. I didn’t mean anything by it. I was just… stressed out.”

“It… sounded like you were serious,” Sportacus said, silently begging him to open up. _Please. Just talk to me._ “I’m sorry I was stressing you out.”

Robbie groaned. “Stop saying stuff like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like… apologizing for things that aren’t your fault. It’s really starting to get on my nerves.”

“Oh. Okay. Sorry.” _Argh!_

But Robbie actually chuckled at that, and after making sure no one else was around, took off his hat and scratched his head absentmindedly. 

“Why are you pretending you’re not mad at me, Sportacus?”

“What? ...Because I’m _not_ mad at you…”

“You have to be even stupider than you look if you think I’m going to believe that. Of course you are. _I_ did this to you. I didn’t mean to, but… this isn’t even the worst thing I was going to do.”

Robbie sounded tired. Resigned. Like he was just waiting for the hammer to fall.

“Robbie, I’m not mad at you because I don’t think you’re a bad guy. I think you have a lot of… expectations set up for yourself, and… maybe you’re mad at yourself for something. I don’t know. But… everyone in Lazytown considers you their friend.”

Robbie had never let him talk for this long, and he knew he sounded awkward, but Sportacus hoped the meaning had gotten through. 

“You’re going to need some new pants,” Robbie said after a minute. “Since you bled all over those. Come on.”

“Oh! But -”

“And you might as well just stay with me tonight. I’m sure everyone else is already asleep and I’m not carrying you back up here twice in one day. Plus you need to take all that food back with you.”

Sportacus resolved to “forget” all the groceries at Robbie’s house. Maybe with real food there he would actually have a decent meal once in a while. “Okay… if you say so.”

___

Robbie left Sportacus on the fuzzy chair, and went back to his room to fetch some clean clothes. Once he shut the door, he let out a groan and slapped himself in the forehead hard enough that it would probably leave a mark.

_Why did I bring him back here?_

Sure, he’d meant what he said - Sportacus needed a new pair of pants, and to get all his stupid health food out - but there were more reasons he didn’t want to admit, even to himself.

With Sportacus here, his lair seemed… more like a home. It was stupid, but the elf had some kind of aura that dispelled all the negative energy, all the dark thoughts, all the sleepless nights that combined to make the very air seem oppressive at times. How could someone be so frustrating, and yet somehow comforting, all at the same time?  
Besides, seeing how clumsy Sportacus was in his body, it was safer to have him nearby where he could keep an eye on him, or he’d probably just get himself killed.

He took a deep breath and headed back out to the living room with a fresh pair of sweatpants.

Only to find the elf asleep in his chair, snoring deeply. 

_Oh, for the love of -_

It looked like he was going to be sleeping in his bed again tonight. Or on the floor. Or, more likely, not at all.

He threw the sweatpants onto Sportacus’s lap, and headed back to the bedroom.

___

Sportacus slept soundly for several hours, but woke up when Robbie tiptoed out of his room and crept by him to the kitchen to get some coffee. Sportacus was just falling back asleep when Robbie whispered, “Sportacus. Are you awake?”

Robbie sounded almost as if he hoped he wasn’t, and something told Sportacus to keep quiet.

Robbie heaved a sigh and sat down on a nearby chair. “Okay. Good.”

He sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping his coffee, before he spoke.

“You asked me what I meant by… always having to fix things.”

His voice was shaky, like he wasn’t sure about what he was doing.

“I… I know it must seem like all I do here is ruin everything. And that’s my own fault, I -”

Robbie stopped, huffing in frustration. “When I was a kid, everyone thought I was a genius. I had a reputation for being able to fix anything, to build things everyone wanted. I liked it for a while - I mean, what kid wouldn’t like all that attention? I won all kinds of awards. Everyone wanted to hang out with me.

“But eventually, I figured out that the only reason anyone spent time with me because of what I would do for them. And I wanted their approval so much that I was willing to do anything. Do their chores for them, take the blame for them when they got in trouble, humiliate myself for a few laughs. 

“They wanted me to do their homework for them, too, and I tried, but… nothing made sense to me except machinery. So when they failed… they’d take it out on me.”

Robbie shifted. “When I told the teachers, they just said, ‘kids will be kids.’ I think even they thought, a little bit, that I deserved it. For being weird, and awkward… for not being normal. And when the other kids found out that I’d told, the punishment got worse.

“So I learned that if you tried to ask for help, you’d only get hurt more. I learned to keep it to myself. And I learned that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t fix things, like everyone had always said I could. All I did was ruin them. So…”

His voice was even, carefully cultivated. “So that’s what I do. I ruin things. I ruin other people’s happiness, because I know I can’t be included in it. I don't _deserve_ to be included.”

He stood and started to head back to his room, and stopped. “...I don’t know why it’s so much easier to talk to you when you’re asleep.” He laughed a little. “Good thing, though, huh? I don’t want to hear you lie and say that you think I’m wrong.”

Sportacus heard Robbie’s footsteps go back into the bedroom, and the door shut, and he was glad that it was dark enough that Robbie hadn’t seen the tears rolling down his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for everyone curious about sportacus and cake - there will be cake eating in the next chapter, i promise


	5. Chapter 5

Robbie slept on the floor, off and on, for a few hours total. At least he didn’t dream. The elf was gone when he woke up, leaving a note on the chair.

_Thanks for letting me stay here last night, Robbie. Your chair is very comfortable, I see why you like it so much! I’ll be at the Mayor’s if you need me._

_Sportacus_

_If I_ need _him? Why would I need him?_ The note was short, but much of the page was scribbled out, as if it had originally been much longer. 

Whatever. His stomach was grumbling. Time to check out the food that Sportacus had almost certainly not taken with him when he left.

He checked the freezer almost on a hunch, and frowned quizzically at what he saw. _Sugar-free ice cream?_

Sportacus wouldn’t touch this with a ten-foot pole, sugar-free or not. He must have gotten it just for Robbie.

An uneasy feeling settled in his stomach. Why did Sportacus have to be like this? Why did he have to pretend to care about him? It made everything so much harder.

_Well, breakfast is breakfast._

It wasn’t bad - nowhere near as good as real ice cream, of course, but Robbie was craving sweetness so strongly that it did the trick. 

He ate half the carton, then had a smoothie for good measure, relishing the only sugar he was able to eat. It would be so good to finally be back in his own body, with all the cake he could ever want…

His daydreams were interrupted by an insistent hum over his chest, and the sudden realization that someone was in trouble.

“Oh, come _on!_ ” 

Scrambling up the tunnel, trying to push away the anxiety, he prepared to be a hero again.

___

Robbie stood under the tree, hands on his hips, two fingers pressed to the bridge of his nose. 

“Robbie!” Sportacus ran up beside him, slightly out of breath. “You came!”

Robbie looked at him, confused. “Of course I did. I wasn’t going to listen to this thing beep forever. I still don’t know how to turn it off.” Sighing, he glanced up at the tree. “Why is it always this damn cat?”

The black and white kitten dug its claws into the tree branch, shaking and mewling pitifully.

“I tried to climb the tree,” Sportacus said sadly, showing him his dirty palms. “I couldn’t get up that high, though.”

Robbie shot him a withering glare. “So you really didn’t trust me to show up.”

Sportacus’s eyes went wide. “No! I -”

“Move.” Shoving Sportacus out of the way, Robbie crouched, then leapt up to grab the branch. He almost slipped, but was able to grab the kitten before they both landed back on the ground.

“Wild beast on the loose,” he murmured, and the kitten purred and licked his hand.

Sportacus smiled over them, hands on his hips. “I think he likes you.” 

“He probably thinks I’m you.” Nevertheless, the kitten seemed very happy, and when Robbie put it down, it wobbled back over to him and laid down on his foot.

“What’s this thing’s deal?” Robbie picked it up again, holding it carefully, as though he wasn’t quite sure how.

“Hold its feet, it’s getting scared again,” Sportacus said, gesturing. Robbie quickly put his other hand under the kitten’s back paws, and it meowed and reached out to lick his nose.

“Whose cat is this, anyway? Why are they always letting it run around?” Robbie frowned at it suspiciously. “It’s dangerous. Very irresponsible.”

Sportacus hid a smile. “I’m not sure. Maybe we should take it to the vet, and see if they recognize it so we can give it back.”

“...Yeah. Yeah, you’re probably right.” Holding it to his chest, more gently than was strictly necessary, he followed Sportacus away from the tree.

___

The veterinarian, a strict-looking woman in her late fifties, gave the kitten a quick once-over. “I don’t recognize him. I don’t think he’s been here before. He’s hurt, though.” She showed them one of its back paws, and the kitten meowed in protest. “See - he must have gotten cut on something, maybe climbing that tree.”

Robbie looked furious. “Who lets their kitten run around town completely unsupervised? See, this is what happens when -” Seeing Sportacus’s expression, looking altogether too  
fond for his liking, he swallowed. 

“So. I suppose you can find someone to adopt it then?”

“Hopefully,” the woman said, frowning. “I’ll put the word out, but if no one claims him or adopts him within a certain amount of time, he may have to be put down.” 

Robbie’s brow furrowed, but he kept quiet.

The oppressive silence was too much for Sportacus, who grabbed Robbie’s arm and said, “Thank you, Doctor! Please let us know if anyone comes for him. Robbie, we should get going.”

Robbie was jolted out of his reverie. “Right. Yeah. Uh, thanks.”  
___

Robbie was oddly silent as they left the office, and Sportacus was hoping they were thinking the same thing.

“He’s pretty cute, isn’t he?” Sportacus said, trying to keep his grin suppressed.

Robbie grunted. “I guess. If you like that sort of thing.”

"It’s sad that he got hurt, isn’t it? He must be so scared, all alone... If he doesn’t have a family -”

“These things happen, Sportacus. Cruel facts of life.” Despite his words, Robbie still looked angry. “You can’t save everyone.”

Sportacus stopped. “Maybe not,” he said softly. “But it doesn’t hurt to try.”

Robbie whirled around to face him. “Of _course_ it hurts to try. How do you of all people not know that? Are you really that sheltered, or are you just spouting meaningless platitudes again?”

Sportacus felt as though he’d been punched in the chest, a feeling he was, in fact, intimately familiar with. But no punch had ever hurt as much as Robbie’s hatred for him.

It _did_ hurt to try, sometimes. Right now, it hurt a lot.

___

Stephanie wasn’t stupid. She knew Sportacus was feeling down, even if he tried to act the same around the kids, tried to participate in their games whenever he could. She’d catch him sighing wistfully, or looking at his hands, hoping the answer to whatever he was wondering was written there.

She sat down beside him on the bench carefully. “Sportacus…”

He jumped a little, and then gave her his usual beaming smile. “Hi Stephanie! How are you?”

“I’m fine, Sportacus. I’m more worried about _you._ ”

He frowned, pretending not to know what she meant. 

“This is taking longer than you thought, isn’t it? Why hasn’t Robbie fixed the machine yet?”

He sighed. “He’s… trying his best.”

Stephanie placed a supportive hand on his, and he smiled and patted it with his other hand. “Thanks for worrying, Stephanie. But I’ll be okay.”

A thought suddenly occurred to Stephanie, and she grinned deviously. “I know _exactly_ what will cheer you up, Sportacus.”

___

 _“Cake?”_ Sportacus said, looking at her in confusion. “But, Stephanie, I can’t -”

“Yes, you can!” Stephanie was almost jumping up and down with excitement. “In _this_ body, you can! That’s practically all Robbie eats, anyway. C’mon, please try it! The kids and I just baked this today!”

Sportacus still looked doubtful, but Stephanie was so hopeful that he had no choice but to give in. “Okay. I’ll give it a try. Just a little piece, though!”

Stephanie cut him a medium-sized slice and handed the plate and fork to him, grinning. “I know you’ll love it, Sportacus! I was always sad because we could never share the cakes we made with you. But now we can!”

Looking down at her eager face, Sportacus glumly accepted that he had no choice in the matter. Even if he could eat sweets, he wouldn’t - they were so unhealthy, and he’d never had much of a sweet tooth anyway. But he took a bite of the cake, trying not to look too reluctant. 

It was just a simple vanilla cake with vanilla frosting, but the sweetness was so intense and cloying that it almost hurt his teeth. However, after a few more bites and the initial shock had faded, he was surprised to find that… it wasn’t really half bad. It was light, and fluffy, and even the crunch of sugar crystals in the frosting was pleasant, once you got used to it. 

After finishing that piece, and a second, he felt as though the fog in his mind had lifted a little. He realized how much Robbie’s body really was dependent on sugar, and had been protesting its withdrawal.

Now he felt… energetic! Ready to go! Not quite like his old self, but having any energy was better than none at this point. He knew he’d crash later, but right now it felt so good being able to think clearly again.

Stephanie clapped her hands in delight. “I’m so glad you like it! I _knew_ you would! Do you feel better now?”

Sportacus put both hands on her shoulders. “Stephanie, I feel miles better. Now there’s something I have to go do!” He did his usual dab, and raced away.

___

_“Robbie!”_

Robbie jumped in shock and dropped the plate he was holding on the floor. Sportacus was in his lair? When did he get here? He hadn’t even heard him come in.

“ _God!_ What??”

“Hi, Robbie! I just wanted to come see how you were doing! Do you need any help? Don’t worry, I won’t knock anything over this time!” Sportacus glanced at the plate on the floor. “Sorry! Let me get that for you!” In one fluid motion, he grabbed it and tossed it, frisbee-style, into the sink.

Robbie blinked at him in confusion, and then his eyes narrowed and a smile grew across his face. “Sportacus… are you on a… _sugar high?_ ”

“Hmm? Oh. Yeah, probably. Stephanie gave me a few pieces of cake. It was _good!_ Anyway, what are you doing? Are you eating properly? You really should, you know!”

Seeing Sportacus buzzing with sugar-induced energy, almost panting like a puppy, was a hilarious sight, and Sportacus heard Robbie genuinely laugh for the first time in… well… possibly ever.

“Is everything okay, Robbie?”

“Yeah. It’s fine. You’re not going to like the crash, though,” Robbie said, looking at him in amusement.

Sportacus wasn’t listening, though. “Robbie, are you sure you’re okay? I was thinking - I mean, I was wondering -” He suddenly looked confused, as though he had lost his train of thought, or was trying to remember the words he meant to say.

“What?”

Sportacus suddenly reached out and grabbed one of Robbie’s hands, making him flinch. “What happened to your knuckles? You didn’t get into a fight, did you?”

Robbie snatched his hand away, cracking his fingers nervously. “Don’t worry, Sportaflop. I’m taking just as good care of your body as you are of mine.”

He regretted the defensive words the instant they were out of his mouth. Sportacus looked crushed, immediately deflating in misery. “Oh…”

“No - Look, it’s fine. Really. I just - ah - I didn’t know my own strength. I was… um… I was just exercising, and I… hit something a little too hard. Still getting used to these controls.”

Sportacus reached out again, hesitantly, and Robbie let him take his hand out of guilt. Sportacus ran a gentle finger over the scabs on the knuckles. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah. Of course I’m sure. It’s not a big deal.”

“Robbie, I’m not worried because it’s my body,” Sportacus said softly, trying to meet Robbie’s eyes, but Robbie wouldn’t look at him. “I’ve been in plenty of scrapes before. I just… want you to be careful.”

“Yeah. I know. I’m not going to do to your body what I did to mine.”

Sportacus turned Robbie’s face to meet his. It was uncomfortable having Sportacus be so much taller than him. “Robbie. You can tell me anything. I _promise._ I won’t judge you.”

Sportacus wasn’t usually this intense, and the urgency in his voice surprised Robbie into looking at him. 

“O-Okay, Sportacus.”

“Really?”

“Y… yeah, really.”

Sportacus breathed a sigh of relief, and, antsy from standing still for so long, darted over to one of the tables to resume cleaning up the mess. Even in his current hyper state, he remembered what had happened last time, and was much more careful in what pieces he chose to move. 

Robbie sighed in relief as well, and rubbed his knuckles absentmindedly. Hopefully the work would distract the elf from any further conversation.

But Sportacus couldn’t stay quiet for long. “Robbie.”

Robbie heaved another dramatic sigh, hoping that this would discourage him, but of course it didn’t.

“Robbie… I had a pretty good childhood.”

Robbie looked over at him. This wasn’t what he was expecting.

Sportacus didn’t look back at him. He pushed his glasses up his nose, his palms laid flat on the table. 

“I grew up in a small village, with… other elves. My family. It was nice there. Peaceful. When I was little, I would play with the other kids, and talk to the flowers to help them grow, and go out at night to look at the stars, and think about my place in the world.

“I always knew I would grow up and help people. When I became Number 10, I thought I was ready. I thought I could help save the world.”

His hands clenched into fists. “I was wrong. One man can’t save the world. Lazytown is peaceful, and quiet, for the most part. Their only problem is that they get stuck in a rut of… laziness.”

Sportacus’s voice went soft. “Other places… aren’t so nice. I’ve seen some terrible things, Robbie. Things I could fix, and others… I couldn’t. No matter what I did, not matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t save everyone.”

Robbie winced a little, hearing his words thrown back at him so openly, but he didn’t interrupt.

“So I… I don’t know firsthand what you’ve been through. And I might never understand completely why… you are the way you are. But I _do_ know how it feels not to be listened to. I know how it feels to do everything you can to help others, and have nothing to show for it but pain.”

He drew a shaky hand across his eyes. “But I have to keep trying. I can’t do nothing. I can’t let history repeat itself. I hope that, even if you don’t believe me, even if you don’t trust me, you at least trust that I’m… I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Sportacus…” Robbie wasn’t used to such raw displays of emotion, and wasn’t sure what to do. But his feet took him to Sportacus’s side before he realized what he was doing.

Sportacus pulled him into a tight hug. “I’m sorry I haven’t helped you, Robbie. I’m sorry I’m such a... _failure._ ”

The words made Robbie’s throat constrict. Sportacus was a _hero._ He didn’t know the meaning of failure. He was -

Robbie remembered Sportacus’s words from so long ago. “A slightly-above-average hero.” 

As much as he wanted to pull away from Sportacus, say something biting and cruel, he couldn’t. Sportacus was crying into his shoulder. He may have been a villain, but he wasn’t a monster. 

Robbie patted him on the back awkwardly. “It’s… Hey, it’s okay. You’re doing your best, right? And didn’t you say you can’t do any more than that?”

Sportacus choked out a laugh. “Robbie, I didn’t know you ever listened to me.”

“Yeah, well, you talk a lot. And you’re _loud._ Come on. Help me fix this thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know how long i'll be able to keep up this chapter a day nonsense but all these amazingly supportive comments are really motivating and im so happy people are enjoying it!! i dont want to be a nuisance and respond to every single comment (although i want to!!) but if you want to talk to me im @gunsforeyes and @sportagun on tumblr!


	6. Chapter 6

No matter what Robbie did, no matter how many times he disassembled the machine and put it back together, even utilizing the little magic he possessed, it wouldn’t work. It wouldn’t even turn on. 

He was close to tears himself when Sportacus suggested they break for the day and get some rest. “I know how much you want to fix this, but maybe if you sleep on it, you’ll get some new ideas!”

Robbie sneered at that. _I_ have _been sleeping on it. For days._ But… of course, he hadn’t been getting much actual sleep in that time. 

He reluctantly agreed, and Sportacus, looking a little ragged, went back to the Mayor’s to sleep.

Before Robbie could do the same, though, he needed to check on something.  
___

“Oh, you’re the one who brought the little guy in. Come this way,” the assistant said, smiling. She led him to the back, and amid the cages and cacophony of animals, he saw the kitten he’d rescued.

It looked pitiful, huddled in a ball and shaking, trying to lick its paw through the bandage. “No one’s claimed him yet,” she said, and gave Robbie a knowing look. “I think he’s lonely.”

Robbie grunted noncommittally. 

“Do you want to hold him?”

Before he could argue, the kitten had been placed in his hand. As soon as it felt his touch, it began to purr, and wiggled its bottom in delight.

“He really does like you,” the assistant said. “He doesn’t act like that with any of us.”

Robbie scratched it behind one ear gently, and it closed its eyes and pressed its head against his fingers.

“So, he’s… I mean, you’re going to put it down?”

“If no one adopts him soon. Of course, we don’t want to, but… we barely have room for the animals we have.” She looked at the rows of cages sadly. “It’s terrible, but… there’s just so many strays, and not enough homes for them.”

Robbie stared into the kitten’s big blue dopey eyes and tried not to think about it. These things happened, as he’d said. Too many strays. You can’t save everyone.

The assistant put her hand on his arm gently. “...If you’re interested, you can foster him until someone comes to claim him, or wants to adopt him, or... We’ll keep his picture here. I don’t think he’s very happy staying with us.”

Robbie gave her a sharp look and almost refused outright, but when the kitten gave a pitiful mew he closed his mouth.

“I… Just until someone else takes him.”

___

This was stupid! What did he think he was doing? He couldn’t take care of a cat. He couldn’t even take care of himself.

Nevertheless, he walked out of the vet’s office with cat food, a litter box, a carrier, cat toys, and even a little harness.

Once he was outside, he set the kitten down gently and put the tiny harness and leash on it. It fell over immediately. 

“Oh, come on. Don’t be so dramatic. I thought you liked exploring.”

The kitten gave him a deeply betrayed look.

“Stop that! Don’t try to make me feel bad. I don’t have a heart. I just don’t want you to get stuck in a tree again. You’re a little stupid.”

Like another annoying, dopey blue-eyed person he knew. 

Robbie picked the kitten up and set it back on its feet, but it fell over again and pressed its face into his hand, purring loudly.

“You want me to carry you home? Fine, lazy.” He scooped it up, and it crawled happily to his shoulder, and stayed there the whole way.  
___

The kitten really wasn’t too difficult to take care of; as soon as it had eaten, it fell asleep on his lap, somehow still purring.

Robbie huffed, but he really wasn’t annoyed. Its even breathing relaxed him, and before he knew it he had fallen asleep too.  
___

Of course, that didn’t last long.

He woke up some hours later in the grip of a panic attack, a migraine, and the lingering terror of a nightmare, all at once. At his violent awakening, the kitten launched itself off his lap and retreated to crying in the corner. 

The crystal in his breast pocket went off insistently, and he gave a gasping laugh through his forming tears. 

_Sportacus isn’t coming._

Still, as he shook and tried desperately to clear his mind and control his racing heart, he couldn’t help but wish he wasn’t so alone, with only a terrified kitten for company. 

_“Robbie??”_

Was he still dreaming? Was this just part of the nightmare? The idea that he wasn’t even awake, that reality as he knew it was a lie, threw his panic into overdrive, and he struggled for air.

_“Robbie!”_

Sportacus, lugging a huge bag and his hair mussed from sleep, ran to Robbie’s side. He seemed to understand what was happening, and put his hands on Robbie’s shoulders, speaking softly and calmly.

“You’re going to be fine, Robbie. I’m here. You’re safe. You’re not going to die. This is going to pass. It’s okay.”

 _Stop_ lying _to me!_ Robbie thought in desperate fury. Seeing that his words weren’t working, Sportacus sat on the arm of the chair and held Robbie’s head to his chest, very gently.

“Listen to my heartbeat, okay, Robbie?” He took a deep breath and let his chest rise and fall slowly. “Listen to my breathing. I know how scary it is, but I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Listen. Breathe as deeply as you can. Take your time.”

Through choked sobs, Robbie was eventually able to calm himself to the point he was able to breathe roughly in time with Sportacus, though his breath came in hitches and he was still trembling. 

Too shaken and exhausted to feel shame, he let Sportacus hold him, and he grasped onto the edges of Sportacus’s sweatshirt, burying his face deeply in his chest. 

“It’s okay, Robbie,” Sportacus whispered, stroking his hair like a child. “It’s okay.”

Robbie suddenly remembered the crystal. “S-Sport - how did you -”

Sportacus kept breathing deeply as he spoke. “I just… had a feeling.” He smiled a little at the bag on the floor. “I wasn’t sure what was wrong, so I brought… everything.”

Robbie wanted to hate him. He really did. How dare he barge in and be a hero again, armed with nothing but a bag of… god knows what? How dare he run to Robbie’s side, over and over, no matter how many times Robbie pushed him away? How dare he be so… _understanding?_

Robbie felt a wave of rage try to creep over him, but he timed his breathing to Sportacus’s and managed to keep it at bay.

A small cry at their feet startled them both.

“Oh!” Sportacus smiled at the tiny ball of fur, who was clearly worried about the situation and had come back to check on its master. Keeping one arm around Robbie, he reached down to pick it up.

“It looks like someone was worried about you, Robbie.”

Those big blue eyes. Robbie gave a strangled laugh, and took the kitten, holding it tightly. It purred happily, licking away his tears. Between Sportacus and the furball, he was… starting to feel a little better.

“I’m glad you’re not alone down here, Robbie.” Sportacus was smiling down at him, and the kitten was purring, and he began to feel something he’d never felt before.

_Loved._

His throat constricted, and he pushed the feeling away. Sportacus was just doing his job. Robbie was no one special to him. And the kitten was just attached to him because he’d saved it. 

“I- I’m fine now, Sportacus. You can go.”

Sportacus let him pull away, but he frowned. The crystal was still flickering faintly on the floor; obviously his work wasn’t done.

“I’m not sure. Is everything else okay?”

Robbie waved him away, hastily wiping his eyes. “Of course. I’m always okay.”

Sportacus heaved a deep sigh, and began rifling through his bag.

“What are you doing? I said I was fine.”

Sportacus handed him a bottle of water wordlessly.

“Seriously?” He was a little thirsty, though. Parched, in fact. And his head was pounding mercilessly, making his vision go fuzzy.

Sportacus noticed him rubbing his head. “Robbie?”

“I’m fine. It’s just a migraine.”

Sportacus looked at him so sadly Robbie felt almost guilty for telling him. “Lie back down.”

“Sportacus, just _go!_ ”

“Lie. Down.”

Robbie let out a dramatic sigh, and tried to relax in the chair.

“I’m going to turn off some of these lights. That can’t be helping.” He came back with a cool washcloth, which he placed on Robbie’s forehead, and a lavender candle.

Robbie opened one eye. “Seriously? You just carry that around?”

Sportacus shrugged sheepishly. “You never know.”

The scent was soothing, Robbie had to admit. 

“And take these.” Sportacus placed a couple pills in his hand, and gestured to the water. 

“Sportaflop, you don’t have to babysit me. I’ve had migraines before.”

“And you probably don’t take care of yourself when you do, do you?”

His sharp tone made Robbie look up in surprise. Sportacus looked a little surprised himself. “...I’m sorry. I just… it’s hard to see you… like this.” 

“Oh, you mean because you haven’t hit your superhero quota? ‘Leave no stone unturned, no pathetic citizen unsaved’?”

“Robbie,” Sportacus said, sounding even more exhausted than Robbie was, “you know that isn’t what I mean at all.”

“But it’s true, isn’t it?” Robbie reclined further, putting the washcloth over his eyes, stroking the cat on his lap. He felt like a real villain now. “That’s why you’re here. You’re doing your job. I get it.”

He heard a sharp intake of breath, and he flinched instinctively, putting a protective hand over his face, letting the cool cloth fall.

Maybe he’d pushed Sportacus too far this time. Maybe he’d reached his limits of patience with him. Maybe this time Sportacus would -

Sportacus saw the fear on Robbie’s face, and his frustration vanished. “Oh, Robbie…”

“You want to hit me, don’t you? Go ahead. Save us this song and dance.”

“Of course I don’t want to hit you, Robbie. I would _never_ hit you.”

“Why _not?_ ” Robbie fought back the tears. The pain in his head was insistent, clouding out any rational thought. “All I’ve been to you is trouble! All I’ve done is get in your way, try to get rid of you! If you don’t want to hit me, _what do you want?_ ”

Sportacus picked the washcloth off the arm of the chair and handed it back to him, and closed Robbie’s hands around the pills he was holding. He gently pushed Robbie’s sweaty hair back from his forehead. “I want you to get some sleep.”

Robbie swallowed the pills and chased them with half of the bottle of water, blowing out the candle. “Of course. I’ll do my best, Mr. Sportacus, sir.”

Sportacus ignored his sarcastic tone. “And I’ll wait here until you do.”

Robbie glared at him through heavy-lidded eyes. “Isn’t it well past your bedtime?”

Sportacus pulled up another chair and rested his head on the edge of Robbie's furry orange chair, reaching over to stroke the kitten on Robbie’s lap. “All three of ours, I think.”

Robbie groaned. “Why can’t I ever get rid of you?”

 _Because I don’t give up, Robbie. I’ll_ never _give up._

___

Despite his grumbling, Robbie fell asleep quickly and stayed asleep, his rest untouched by dreams. He awoke with just a dull ache in his head, an echo of the agony from before, and drool on his shoulder.

Sportacus had somehow wormed his way onto the chair as well, his body wrapped around Robbie, snoring in his ear.

_I didn’t know I snored. That’s annoying._

_Wait…_ Sportacus??

The elf was sleeping deeply, and for some reason Robbie didn’t want to wake him up.

Robbie re-positioned the kitten on his lap carefully, and maneuvered his body so that he was facing Sportacus.

_This is… weird, right? Shouldn’t I just kick him out?_

Despite the strangeness of cuddling with… well, his own body, something about this was serene. He felt… safe.

He took off Sportacus’s askew glasses and placed them gently on the table. In his sleep, Sportacus sighed deeply, and wrapped his arms around Robbie’s waist.

Sportacus was clearly having an excellent dream, judging by the contented smile on his face. He curled up against Robbie’s chest, but woke himself up in the process. 

“Oh!... Good morning, Robbie.” He smiled up at him through bleary eyes, blinking owlishly. “How did you sleep?”

“Like a furnace was pressed against me.”

Sportacus chuckled. “I-” He met Robbie’s eyes and the words died in this throat. He blinked a few more times, as if remembering something, and blushed deeply. “Um, I… Sorry, I - I didn’t mean to -”

“Drool on me?” Robbie shrugged, seemingly in no hurry to disentangle himself. _Play it cool. Act like it’s no big deal._ “It’s no big deal.” _Cooler than that, you idiot!_ “At least now I know how much I snore.”

Sportacus laughed awkwardly, and wriggled out of the chair. “Well. Uh. I-If you’re feeling better, I should go-”

Robbie waved a lackadaisical hand. “By all means. I have work to do.”

“Right.” Sportacus put his hands on his hips, looking awfully jumpy, a 180 from how he’d been when he’d first woken up. “I, um - Okay! I’ll be, uh -” He gestured vaguely to the air above him. “I’ll… see you later!”

Sportacus dashed up the tunnel, leaving Robbie staring after him in confusion, only realizing once he was above ground that he’d left his glasses.


	7. Chapter 7

Sportacus stopped, considering going back, but decided against it immediately. So he’d be half-blind for a while. So what?

He needed to… do something. Go for a run. Clear his head.

That turned out to be a bad idea; after just a few minutes, he was wheezing and gasping for breath. He collapsed beneath a tree, far enough from town that he hoped no one would stumble upon him.

He leaned against the tree, closing his eyes and breathing deeply, trying to make sense of what had happened.

He’d slept at Robbie’s. Fine. He’d apparently also cuddled him in the night. Also fine. That had seemed to help Robbie sleep, at least.

But what he’d _dreamed…_

He felt the flush come back to his face, and he slapped his cheeks, willing himself to calm down. 

_It didn’t mean anything. It was just a dream._

But he’d never had a dream like that before about… Robbie. He’d never even looked at Robbie like that before. 

 

_“Robbie… Robbie…”_

_Robbie grinned, back in his own body, that beautiful pale lanky frame. “Yes, Sportacus?”_

_“Please… Do that again…”_

_Robbie’s devious smirk, his long clever fingers, entwined in Sportacus’s hair, running down his chest…_

_Sportacus heard himself begin to purr, but was interrupted by Robbie’s lips on his, Robbie’s tongue in his mouth, Robbie nibbling his lip just hard enough to hurt…_

_Sportacus’s hand moved, of its own accord, down Robbie’s treasure trail, loving the sensation of Robbie’s bare skin on his fingertips…_

_Robbie gasped. “Mark me, Sportacus. I’m yours.”_

_Sportacus obliged eagerly, pressing his mouth to Robbie’s neck, sucking hard enough on the skin there to leave a mark._

_Robbie moaned, and Sportacus’s entire body was on fire with a desperate need, aching to feel Robbie on him, around him, inside of him, hungering to truly make Robbie his…_

_“Sportacus…” Robbie whispered, kissing the freckles on his face, his neck, his chest, and Sportacus couldn’t think, not with those gray eyes looking up at him knowingly._

_“I know what you want, Sportacus. I want it too… I’ve wanted it for so long...”_

_And Robbie’s fingers moved down to -_

 

Sportacus shook his head desperately, feeling that warmth creeping into him again, feeling the tightness in his groin reappear. 

_He’d never looked at Robbie like that before._ But was that true?

He forced himself to calm down, think critically. They’d been spending a lot of time together recently - for obvious reasons. And he was _in_ Robbie’s body currently. It would be strange if he hadn’t dreamed about Robbie at all. 

And Robbie was… handsome. There. He admitted it. He was attractive in an odd, offbeat way. And that deep, smoky baritone voice… 

Okay. This wasn’t helping.

He cared about Robbie. He cared about everyone. That was, as Robbie had so crudely put it, his “job.”

But it that really all there was to it? Would Sportacus have been so upset if it had been anyone else who shut him out like that, who shut themselves away from the world, who insisted on making themselves suffer the way Robbie did? Would he have been just as…

_(heartbroken…)_

The realization made Sportacus’s heart sink into his stomach with a thunk, dizziness threatening to overcome him.

_I love Robbie._

Now the tears came, because what else was there to do? Robbie hated him. Robbie wanted nothing to do with him. Robbie wanted, more than anything else, for Sportacus to leave and never come back. 

Robbie, with his cruel words, his grey eyes, his scars, with his all-encompassing self-hatred, leaving no room for anyone else to get into his heart…

That was who Sportacus loved, who Sportacus now realized he would work himself to death to make happy. To make him smile genuinely, to make him understand that no matter how much he hated himself, Sportacus never would.

Sportacus ran his fingers over the scars on his wrists, looking at them through eyes blurry with tears, wishing - what? That Robbie felt the same? That Robbie could ever look at him with anything but loathing?

Everything Sportacus tried had failed. Robbie didn’t love him, which was fine - he assured himself that it was _fine_ \- but Robbie was miserable. And how could Sportacus live with himself when that was the case?

He wrapped his arm around his knees, hating this cruel twist of fate that had trapped him in Robbie’s body, hating that Robbie was so close to him - _was_ him - and yet he was so, so far.  
___

_“HEY!”_

Stephanie jumped, dropping the baseball. 

“What the heck was that?” Stingy said, looking around, shaken.

“I - I don’t know,” she said. “It sounded like -”

_“HEY! KIDS!”_

She whirled around to see two huge blue eyes, protruding from a periscope, staring at her from behind the wall.

“One second, guys.” She marched over to it. “ _Robbie??_ What do you want?” 

“ _HEY_ \- oh.” The voice cleared its throat. “Sportacus left his glasses down here. I need one of you to come get them and give them to him. Otherwise he’s just going to fall off a cliff or something.”

Stephanie frowned. Something didn’t seem right. “Why did he leave them? Didn’t he notice he couldn’t see? And why don’t _you_ give them back?”

“None of your business, kid. Are you coming or not?”

She heaved a deep sigh. “Fine. Hold on.”  
___

Robbie was definitely acting weird. Even weirder than usual, and that was saying something. He refused to say why Sportacus had left his glasses, and he kept biting his nails and pacing around the room. Stephanie was suspicious, but let herself be distracted by the adorable new kitten Robbie had acquired. Surely Sportacus would explain. 

Except he wasn’t anywhere in town. Stephanie scratched her head. This was supposed to be just a quick errand. The other kids were calling to her to rejoin the game, but she had to find Sportacus.

She regretted not prying further with Robbie. He usually gave in pretty quickly; she could have gotten the information she needed if she’d kept trying. Was something the matter with Sportacus?

He wasn’t in Robbie’s lair, obviously. He wasn’t in his airship - he couldn’t get in. And he wasn’t at her uncle’s house, or at any of the parks or sports fields. 

Stephanie considered for a moment getting herself into trouble - just a little trouble - to lure him, but remembered he didn’t have the crystal either. 

“Sportacus?” she called hopefully, but no response. Nothing for it but to look for him outside the usual spots, then.

She went around the perimeter of the town, then headed into the woods, taking this opportunity to practice some cartwheels, and try to emulate Sportacus’s jumps and flips.

“Ow!” Scraping her knee, she wisely decided to walk instead.

Getting more anxious the longer he was gone, relief flooded her when she finally found him huddled up under a tree.

“Sportacus?”

He looked up at her in surprise, and she was shocked to see tears on his face. 

“Sportacus! What happened?”

He tried to smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Nothing, I’m fine.” A look of concern. “What happened to your knee?”

“What? Oh, it’s nothing. I just tripped. Why are you out here by yourself?” She sat down beside him.

“I… I just needed some air.” He tried the smile again, a little more convincing this time. “Is everything okay? Did you need me?”

“Everything’s fine. Robbie just wanted me to give you these. Apparently you left them at his house?”

He stared at the glasses she offered, and buried his face in his hands.

“Sportacus??”

He raised his head and took a deep breath. “Was he okay? Did he seem… upset?”

Stephanie tilted her head in confusion. “No, he seemed fine. Well, no, he was a little weird. He was kinda… jumpy. He just told me to take these to you.”

Sportacus smiled at her, and Stephanie was shocked to see how sad his eyes were. “Sorry to make you run after me, Stephanie.”

“Sportacus, what’s going on?” She was starting to get more and more worried, but tried to keep her voice calm. She wanted Sportacus to be able to depend on her, and she hated knowing something was wrong, but not being able to help.

“It’s… nothing. I just realized something, that’s all. Something… sad. It’s nothing you need to worry about. I promise.”

“Is it about Robbie?”

He sighed, looking up at the canopy of leaves. “Yeah.”

“Did he -” _turn you down,_ she almost said, but that sounded so… mean. She tried to choose her words carefully. “Are you guys…”

Sportacus looked at her quizzically, eyes narrowed.

“I mean… is it a problem of… a romantic nature?”

He raised his eyebrows, and burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” she said, affronted. 

“Nothing. It’s just… you’re so much smarter than me.” He ruffled her hair, pressing the heel of his other hand against one eye. 

“So it _is,_ then?”

“Yes… I guess you could say that.”

Stephanie leaned against him supportively. “Do you love him?”

 _They really grow up so fast,_ he thought with a pang in his chest. “Yes, I do. But he doesn’t love me.”

Stephanie waved her hand dismissively. “Pssh. Of course he does.”

Sportacus stared at her. “No he doesn’t. He hates me-”

“That’s just the only way he knows how to act. He’s always staring at you. I mean, _always._ And he acts extra grumpy whenever you’re around, which means he loves you.”

Sportacus half-smiled. _The logic of a child._ “Thanks for bringing me these, Stephanie.” He put the glasses on and blinked as his eyes adjusted. “I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it back without them.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Stephanie said. “I tried them on on the way here, and I couldn’t see a thing. Robbie sure is blind.”

 _Yeah, I guess he is._ “Come on. Let’s go back.” Stephanie took his hand and they headed back to town, Sportacus steeling himself to face the reality waiting for him there.


	8. Chapter 8

Robbie couldn’t stop thinking about Sportacus’s strange behavior, going over the events of the morning in his mind over and over, like a tongue probing the empty spot where a tooth used to be.

 _“Oh!... Good morning, Robbie.” He smiled up at him through bleary eyes, blinking owlishly. “How did you sleep?”_

He’d obviously known where he was when he’d woken up, and it hadn’t given him any pause. He’d seemed more than happy to stay there, curled around Robbie, until… 

Until _what?_

If there was somewhere he needed to be, why didn’t he just say that? Why all the twitching and stuttering?

Sportacus was weird, but he was never _this_ weird. Something was going on.

_“HEY ROBBIE!”_

Robbie leaped at least a foot into the air, his heart racing.

“Haha! Did that scare you? See, you shouldn’t shout at people!”

Ugh… The pink girl. “What do you want, kid?”

“Can I come in? I want to see your kitten again!”

“No! Go play with your friends -”

She had already slid down the tunnel before he could even finish his sentence. “Thanks, Robbie!”

Robbie groaned. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

Stephanie gave him a once-over, taking in his pajamas, cup of coffee, and general lack of enthusiasm. “Nope!”

The kitten came tottering over to her happily, and she gave a shriek and picked it up, holding it to her cheek and cooing nonsense. Robbie grimaced. “Really, why are all of you so _loud?_ ”

Stephanie kissed the kitten on its forehead. “What are you going to name him?”

“Nothing. I’m not keeping him. What do you want?”

Stephanie gave him a devastated look. “You’re not keeping him? Why not?”

“Because he isn’t mine. Did you give him his glasses?”

Stephanie’s look changed to one of carefully cultivated neutrality. “Yes, I did.”

“Did he say… ah…”

“Say what?” She batted her eyelashes innocently.

“... Never mind. He was just… weird this morning. I mean, more so than usual.” He scoffed, pretending to have lost interest in the subject.

Stephanie stroked the kitten in her arms. “Well, I’m not sure, but… maybe he… realized something?”

Robbie blew his cover by whirling around to face her intently. “Realized something? Realized what?”

“Oh, I don’t know... ” Stephanie had promised Sportacus she wouldn’t mention anything to Robbie, but… She had to do something! It was obvious neither of _them_ was going to. “Why did he stay here last night?”

Robbie dropped his gaze. “He just… he just fell asleep here. Sugar crash, I guess.”

“Why’d he come over?”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “Why the interrogation?”

She shrugged. “I just heard him run out of the house late last night. Were you in trouble?”

He grunted. “I suppose you could say that.”

“Did you give the crystal back?” she asked, knowing full well he hadn’t.

“Well… no…”

“Hmm. How did he know you were in trouble?”

“I…” Robbie’s hands hung at his sides. “I don’t know… He just said he had a… ‘feeling.’”

“That’s weird. I don’t think that’s ever happened before.”

“Really?” He scrutinized her, looking for signs of trickery. “He’s never known someone was in trouble before without his crystal?”

“No, I’m pretty sure he has to have the crystal.”

Robbie mulled that over. “Maybe it was some kind of… weird connection with his body? Since I’m in it?”

Stephanie snorted. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Hmph. Well. What’s _your_ theory? Since you seem to know so much.”

“Me? Oh, I don’t know anything. I just came to see the kitty.” Giving it one final kiss, she set it back down on the ground, where it wobbled its way, purring, back to Robbie.

She went to leave, but stopped, turning back to look at Robbie. Her tender heart ached a little at the sight of him, looking so bedraggled and lost. He may have been a pain sometimes, and a little dense, but… he was a good guy. A softie. 

“Robbie… Sportacus is my friend.”

He looked at her, sipping his coffee, one eyebrow raised. “And?”

“I can tell him anything. I _trust_ him. More than I do anybody else, I think.”

He shrugged. “Good for you.”

“You can trust him, too.”

He waved his free hand at her dismissively. “Thanks for the advice, kid.”

She stomped her foot. “Robbie, you’re - you’re so… _dumb_ sometimes!”

Robbie watched her “hmph!” away, marveling at the second person to make a quick, inexplicable exit from his lair that day.  
___

 _Realized something. Realized_ what?

That girl knew more than she was letting on. Well, she was Sportacus’s partner-in-crime, so to speak. If anyone knew what was going on, it was her. 

Still, Robbie had more pride than to beg her to tell him. Just because she was being childish, didn’t mean he had to be.

He fed the mewing kitten some breakfast, and collapsed onto his fuzzy chair, staring at the ceiling.

_Realized something._

Something good? Something terrible? Sportacus had seemed… embarrassed.

Well, Robbie had been a little embarrassed too. But Sportacus didn’t shy away from physical contact the way Robbie did. So why would _he_ have been embarrassed?

Robbie slammed a fist down on the arm of the chair in frustration. It didn’t make any sense!

He growled, and the kitten looked back at him in surprise. “Sorry, little guy,” he muttered. “Didn’t mean to scare you. Just… thinking.”

The kitten meandered over to him, its tail waving, and hopped into his lap. He picked it up and held it close to his face.

“You’re pretty insightful, right? What’s going on with Sportacus?”

The kitten purred, its eyes half-closed. There was still a bit of food around its mouth.

Robbie wiped it away with a fond chuckle. “That’s what I thought.”

“...Robbie?”

He jumped, for the second time today, at the voice of an uninvited visitor. 

Sportacus stood at the opening of the tunnel, looking completely worn out. Robbie’s heart thumped faster with worry. _What was wrong with him?_

“Robbie, I… wanted to know if I could… talk to you.”

Robbie stood up, putting the kitten on the ground. It mewed in greeting to Sportacus, and wandered back to its food bowl.

Sportacus smiled at it tiredly, not meeting Robbie’s questioning gaze. “I… Sorry I ran out of here so quickly.”

“Realized something, did you?”

It was Sportacus’s turn to jump, his face suddenly going pale. “I - What did- What do you-”

Robbie frowned at his sudden tenseness. “Relax, I was just messing with you.” _So Pinky was right._ “What do you need to talk to me about?”

Sportacus didn’t answer right away. Seeing him look so exhausted, so defeated, was disconcerting. Robbie felt a sudden urge to be hospitable. “Do you… want to sit down?”

Sportacus nodded, and dragged himself over to the chair he’d pulled up beside Robbie’s the night before.

“And take this. If you want.” Robbie tossed him an apple. “You look like a mess. I don’t want you to fall asleep on top of me again.”

As he said the words, he realized he was lying, and shook the thought away in frustration.

Sportacus smiled weakly and took a bite of the apple. Was he going to cry again? Robbie really, _really_ didn’t want to see him cry. Emotional displays always made him uncomfortable.

Yeah. Yeah, that was the only reason why.

Sportacus ate half the apple in silence, Robbie watching him anxiously, before he spoke.

“I’m… thinking of leaving Lazytown.”

_“What?”_

Sportacus flinched, but continued. “I mean… after all this is over. The kids are getting older, and… I don’t really think they need me anymore. They know how to be healthy and active. Besides…” He smiled up at Robbie, as bright a smile as he could put on. “If they need help, they have you.”

Sportacus put a hand on Robbie’s chest gently. “You really are a hero, Robbie. I don’t know anyone stronger than you.”

Robbie’s head was spinning. He needed to sit down. It occurred to him that he was already sitting down, and what he really wanted was to sink through the floor and never come back up. _“What?”_

“That’s what you’ve always wanted. That’s what you said. For me to-”

“Shut _up!_ ” Robbie put his hands to his head, trying to stop Sportacus’s words from coming through. He felt a rush of panic, and fought it off desperately. _“I want Sportacus to leave Lazytown and never come back.”_ That’s what he’d said, over and over. That’s what he’d told himself, over and over, trying to make himself believe it.

Never see Sportacus again. Never see his bright smile. Never hear Sportacus say his name, in that tone that made it seem like Robbie was his favorite person in the world. Never see his blue eyes crinkle with delight. Never fall asleep on Robbie’s chest, drooling on his shoulder, smiling in his sleep…

Robbie gasped for breath, but couldn’t get enough air. His heart was threatening to pound out of his ribcage, and he saw stars.

 _“Robbie?”_ Sportacus reached out to hold him, pulling Robbie’s head against his chest as he’d done before.

Sportacus’s heart was beating almost as fast as Robbie’s, and Robbie couldn’t use it to keep track of his breathing this time. 

“Robbie - It’s okay, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything, I’m sorry-”

Robbie held onto his sweatshirt, almost ripping the fabric. _Calm down. Calm down. Calm_ down, _you idiot!_

Sportacus saw that he wasn’t helping, and took a deep breath, willing himself into the same state of mind he utilized while meditating. Eventually, he slowed his heartbeat and breathing enough that Robbie could relax a little, and let the attack run its course.

“Robbie, I’m-”

Robbie glared at him with furious eyes, and Sportacus was taken aback.

“Don’t you dare. Don’t you _dare."_

“I-”

“You’re-” He swallowed. “You’re telling me, you’re just going to walk out of here? Leave Pinky, and all those kids? You know they’re going to be heartbroken. You know how much they depend on you. What’s so important that you have to run off, and abandon… _everyone?_ What’s going _on?"_

Robbie’s voice had risen into a shriek, and Sportacus could only stare at him. 

“If you leave, I swear to God, _I will build my own airship and drag you back.”_

Robbie was shaking. Sportacus reached out a tentative hand, but Robbie slapped it away. 

“Okay. Okay, Robbie. I won’t leave.”

Robbie looked at him distrustfully. “You won’t? Just like that?”

“No, I won’t. Not for a long time, anyway. I promise.”

Pinky’s voice echoing in his brain. _“You can trust him.”_

“But…”

Robbie tensed.

“...Why?”

“Why, what?” Robbie said, still glaring.

“Why do you want me to stay? I thought you’d be happy.”

“...I don’t know, okay? Can you just shut up, for once in your life? Please?”

Sportacus stroked Robbie’s hair cautiously, but Robbie didn’t stop him. “Okay, Robbie. I’m sorry I scared you.”

Robbie harrumphed, and settled onto Sportacus’s shoulder. “You didn’t scare me. Nothing scares me.”

“A lot scares me,” Sportacus said softly.

Robbie looked skeptical. “That’s not what you told that kid, whatshisname.”

Sportacus knew Robbie knew Ziggy’s name, knew the names of all of the kids in town, but he didn’t correct him. “That’s what you have to tell kids. You have to protect them. You have to make them feel safe.”

“Okay, then. What is it that scares you?”

Sportacus rolled up his sleeves and picked up the kitten from the floor. “What are you going to name him?”

Robbie caught sight of the scars on his arms, and felt suddenly, inexplicably guilty. He cleared his throat. “What is it with everybody and this cat? I’m not keeping it.”

Sportacus and the kitten shared a look, and then he sighed. “Okay, Robbie.”

“That’s it? You aren’t going to lecture me?”

“I thought you hated when I did that.”

“I do, but-” _But what?_

Sportacus smiled, a little life coming back to his eyes. “I think you should keep him, Robbie. It’s not good for you to be down here all alone. You need someone to talk to.” He met  
Robbie’s eyes. “How’s that?”

“Pretty good, but you didn’t tell me to eat any sportscandy.”

Sportacus actually laughed, and Robbie felt relieved. _Why?_ Why did it matter to him if the elf was sad or not?

“Well. I should be going.” Sportacus handed the kitten back to Robbie, and got up to leave.

“Wait, Sportaf- Sportacus.”

“Yes?”

“Uh… Can you come back here tomorrow?” Robbie looked around the room. “You’ve been here ten times, but it’s still a mess. Not your usual work ethic.”

Sportacus smiled at him. Slowly, that familiar smile was coming back to his face. “Of course. I’ll be here first thing in the morning.”

“Ugh, not that early, please.”

Sportacus’s right hand went to trace the scars on his left arm, and he gripped his wrist. “Robbie… Can you do something for me, too?”

Robbie wanted to respond with something biting and sarcastic, but nothing was coming to mind. “What is it?”

“When you want to… hurt yourself… will you call me?”

“I don’t want to have this discussion, Sportacus.” Icy and firm.

“That’s fine. We don’t have to. But will you?”

Robbie gave a dramatic sigh, only slightly shaky, hoping Sportacus would back off. But he didn’t. “Okay. Fine. Whenever I’m deep in the throes of self-hatred and existential misery, I’ll call you and listen to you blabber on about sportscandy or aerobics or whatever.” 

Sportacus nodded, satisfied. “Okay. Thank you, Robbie.”

“‘Thank you’? Why?”

“Because you deserve a lot of things, Robbie. But pain isn’t one of them.”

Sportacus climbed up the tunnel before Robbie could respond.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for all the comment spam! ill keep up with them regularly from now on. im fairly new to ao3 (aside from some night vale stuff a while back) and i wasnt really sure on the protocol? is it expected to reply? is it annoying? anyway i appreciate everyone whos read this, left kudos, or commented!! it means so much to me. anyway you can always talk to me on tumblr too, i love making new meme friends <3 without further ado...

The phone rang, waking him up with a start. “Someone’s calling me? But… no one ever calls me…”

He groaned and lay back in his chair, closing his eyes again and picking up the receiver. _“What?”_

“Good morning, Mr. Rotten,” said a perky voice in his ear. “I have some great news!”

“...Okay?”

“I’m calling from the vet’s office, and we’ve found someone who wants to adopt the kitten you saved!”

All the blood drained from Robbie’s face, and he somehow managed to stutter out a response before dropping the phone to the ground with a clang.

The kitten had fallen asleep on his lap again, and at the sound, it awoke and blinked at him through bleary eyes. “Mrrr?”

Robbie looked at it. It wasn’t registering. Everything seemed very far away.

The kitten didn’t seem to like the look on his face, and it crawled up onto his shoulder and nestled into his neck, rubbing its face on his, wanting attention.

He reached up to pet it, almost automatically.

_“I’m not going to keep it. I don’t want it. I’m not going to name it. I’m not going to keep it.”_

That’s what he’d said. But as it turned out, he’d said a lot of things that weren’t true.

A heavy, empty feeling settled in him. Despair. 

The kitten was leaving. Sportacus was leaving too - he’d promised he wouldn’t, but of course he was going to.

He was alone again. He hadn’t even had time to get used to _not_ being alone. 

Every comfort he had, taken away. Every friend he had, gone.

Robbie couldn’t even feel sad. Just resigned. He berated himself for having hope - hope he hadn’t even known was there. 

This was what always happened. This was what he deserved. 

He held the kitten in front of his face, hardening his heart against its soft fur and blue eyes and sweet, contented expression. 

“I’ll never see you again,” he told it in a low voice. “It’s better for you that way.”

___

He packed up its things and returned it to the vet, going through the motions, like he was someone else, like he was living outside of his body, an impassive observer watching the events unfold.

The children called out to him to play with them, but he ignored them, making his way back home in silence.

Now there was something else in him, an itchy feeling, unsettled, the feeling he always got when he was powerless, when there was nothing he could do, but he felt compelled to do _something._

But he couldn’t do that. Not in this body. Not to Sportacus’s tanned, freckled skin.

He clenched his fists - Sportacus kept his fingernails short, so it didn’t draw blood. Not like usual.

Did Sportacus even have a phone…?

No. That was a stupid idea. Robbie had only made that promise to shut Sportacus up, make him stop talking about things Robbie wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ talk about. 

_“Because you deserve a lot of things, Robbie. But pain isn’t one of them.”_

“You’re a fool, Sportaflop,” he muttered, drawing his fingernails sharply across one arm, relishing in the only emotion he could feel - pain.

_No. I can’t do this._

Expecting no answer, he dialed the Mayor’s number.

A voice picked up on the first ring. “Hello?”

“S-Sportacus? You’re at home?”

“I came in for a quick snack. I was just about to head over. Is everything ok?”

“It’s…” Why was he doing this? This was a stupid idea. “It’s… not great.”

The silence on the other end told him Sportacus understood. “Do you want me to come over?” Sportacus asked softly. 

“No. No, it’s fine. I just-” Robbie took a deep, shaky breath. “Just - I don’t know - talk to me about something.”

“Sure, of course! Like what-”

“Tell me… about your home.”

Robbie heard Sportacus inhale, and the sound of furniture moving in the background. “My home… it’s… very different from here. But it’s beautiful there, Robbie. The skies are so clear - at night, you can see all the stars in the sky. I used to know all the constellations, when I was young. The air always smelled a little like cinnamon and orange blossoms… We drank honeysuckle in the summer and swam for hours in the river. The waterfalls in the sunlight were so lovely. When the sun hit them just right, they’d make rainbows, and we’d swim right under them. The forest animals weren’t afraid of us, and they’d join in sometimes…”

As Sportacus described his homeland, Robbie curled around the phone, sobbing quietly. If Sportacus heard him, he didn’t say anything.

___

 

Once he heard Robbie begin to snore, Sportacus carefully put the phone back on the handle, feeling drained. Of course he knew why Robbie had called, although what the trigger was, or if there was one, he wasn’t sure. He felt a deep stab of guilt. It couldn’t have been from what Sportacus said yesterday? He’d reassured Robbie he wouldn’t leave, and Robbie seemed to be okay - as okay as he ever was - when Sportacus left his lair.

Why had Robbie asked about his home? Thinking about home made Sportacus feel even more exhausted and homesick, and the misery of knowing the man he loved was suffering only compounded the pain he was already feeling.

He’d considered that it was his presence that was making Robbie suffer. That maybe if he left, Robbie would start to get better. Clearly, that wasn’t the case - but Sportacus hadn’t expected him to react so violently to the idea.

_He needs me here, even though I upset him so much. Why?_

Knowing there was a problem, and being helpless to solve it, was excruciating. 

He looked down at his wrists for the millionth time, and for the millionth time, wanted to cry. He’d taken Robbie’s only outlet - inadvertently, but the outcome was the same. If Robbie hated him so much, why hadn’t he just hurt Sportacus’s body? Given him his own matching scars? Why had he called?

If Robbie was finally beginning to trust him, that was good. But oh God, it hurt. It hurt to be so surrounded by him, encompassed by him, entangled in him with no hope in sight. 

___

Stephanie found Sportacus standing by the phone, running his fingers over his arm, lost in his thoughts. “Sportacus?”

He jolted, and gave her the best smile he could muster. It wasn’t very good.

“...Is everything ok?” she asked.

“Of course! Should we get back to our game?”

She saw that Sportacus was clearly not in the mood to talk about it, and she took his cue. “If you can keep up,” she said mischievously. 

She was happy to see that Sportacus’s smile grew a little. “I’ll do my best! And you can’t do any better than that!”

___

Robbie took the machine apart, for the millionth time, took an assessment of the components, for the millionth time, and put it back together, for the millionth time.

And for the millionth time, nothing. 

He couldn’t even be disappointed. It was fitting.

 _Maybe I should just give up. I’m sure in time, Sportacus will have my body in as good as shape as his is. He’ll go back to being a hero._

But as convenient as this body was, as good as it was to feel strong, to feel capable, to feel _healthy_ … it wasn’t his. He couldn’t keep it.

And it was more than just his nebulous morals rearing their head. It was taunting him. With every move he made, it reminded him that he’d never be like this. Never actually be strong. He felt like a corpse, rotting away inside of it. 

“Someone’s in trouble,” he said to himself softly, hearing it in Sportacus’s voice. “And there’s no one to save them.”

___

Sportacus did come by, eventually, although he had knocked before coming in. When given the unenthusiastic go-ahead, he had gotten to work cleaning up the lab, uncharacteristically silent.

The tension hung heavy between them. _Probably my fault,_ Robbie thought, too tired to really care. _I’m poisoning him._

Sportacus seemed tired too, moving more slowly than usual, and it was impossible to tell what he was thinking. Robbie thought he noticed the shadows under his eyes - _my eyes_ \- had gotten even darker. 

Again, he felt guilty. _I’m putting him through this. This is my fault. My fault. Always._

“Are you getting enough sleep, Robbie?” came Sportacus’s soft voice suddenly.

“I should ask you the same thing,” Robbie said. “You’re not doing my body any favors by pushing yourself.”

Sportacus gave a laugh that sounded almost… ironic. “Sorry. I’ve… been trying.”

“Not easy, is it?”

“Not as easy as it used to be.” The words, which could have been taken as accusatory, only sounded regretful.

Sportacus looked around, suddenly noticing. “Where’s the kitten?”

“Gone.”

He looked at Robbie in alarm. “What happened?”

“Someone adopted him, I guess. I don’t know. I wasn’t really listening.”

Sportacus could see how deeply this had affected Robbie, despite his monotone words. “Oh, Robbie… I’m so s-”

“Don’t say you’re sorry, Sportacus. Please.”

Sportacus looked down at the table, wishing more than anything that Robbie would let him comfort him, wishing that it would even help if he did.

“I don’t know when this is going to be fixed, Sportacus. I don’t know if it ever will be. I’ve tried everything.”

Sportacus looked at him, confused. “Oh - the machine…”

“I really didn’t mean for this to happen.” Robbie sounded utterly defeated. “I didn’t. It’s okay if you don’t believe me. I mean, why should you? But I thought it would be easy to fix. Everything always is.”

“I do believe you, Robbie.”

“Do you think that, if it had worked, I would have left you as a baby forever?”

“No. I don’t.”

Robbie sighed, like his soul was leaving his body. “Neither do I.”

Sportacus held him tightly, trying to somehow make Robbie understand how he felt, communicate to him somehow that he was here for him. Robbie didn’t resist the embrace, but the wall he’d built up was impenetrable.


	10. Chapter 10

Sportacus had been putting off showering, as disgusting as that was. Not only did it still feel like an invasion of privacy, but every time he thought about Robbie’s body, he remembered the dream he’d had and felt the flush come back to his cheeks. 

There was a way to release that tension, but… no, he couldn’t do that. And he didn’t want to see Robbie like that unless Robbie showed him, of his own free will. 

And that was unlikely to happen, so in the meantime, it was quick, cold showers with his eyes closed, desperately trying to think about anything else.

___

Robbie didn’t have the same reservations.

After his first ill-fated attempt at self-pleasure, he’d made sure the door handle was securely bolted on, to prevent any further misadventures. 

Did he hate himself for it? A little bit, but self-hatred was something Robbie was very used to, and he was able to ignore it without too much effort.

But God, it felt too good to stop. Every inch of Sportacus’s body was… well… amazing. It was almost an addiction, exploring it, seeing how it responded to his touch. 

Beneath water nearly hot enough to burn, he ran his hands over his nipples, a thrill going through him at how quickly they became hard under his fingertips. His skin was flushed from the heat, and his muscles glistened in the dim light of the bathroom. Biting his lip, his heartbeat quickening, he took Sportacus’s cock in his hand, gently rubbing the tip, spreading his precum to the rest of the head. 

Sportacus was a little shorter than him, a little thicker, and uncircumcised, Robbie noted with interest. It made him so much more sensitive, and knowing something he shouldn’t made these illicit moments all the more exciting.

As he glided his hand back and forth, the other hand on his chest, his head against the shower wall, a thought occurred to him, somehow for the first time.

_Was Sportacus doing this too?_

The idea made him pick up speed, a rush of lust running through him. 

Sportacus, his head thrown back, moaning, his hands exploring his - _Robbie’s_ \- body, _using_ him…

The image was so delicious it pushed Robbie over the edge, and he came with a gasp, his legs buckling underneath him.

As he cleaned himself up and headed back into his bedroom, that insidious voice inside him, the one that always spoke the truth, whispered, _“You know he isn’t. You know he would never be interested in you.”_

“I know,” he muttered. “I know Sportacus would never want to touch me.” The thrill of orgasm was ebbing, and the usual depression was settling in to take its place. _It’s just a fantasy._

___

Sportacus caught himself studying the face in the mirror intently, its angles, its strange beauty, and shook his head, forcing himself to look away.

_Because I don’t give up, Robbie. I’ll_ never _give up._

That wasn’t true anymore. He had to give up. Not on Robbie - but on the idea that Robbie would ever return his feelings, would ever want him the way Sportacus did.

And he wanted him, so much it made him ache. Fighting the temptation, to look, to touch, was one of the hardest things Sportacus had ever done. The thoughts he tried so hard to avoid were overwhelming him, and his growing erection had him consumed with curiosity.

_Enough._ Twitching with nervous energy, he prepared himself to go for a run. Well, as much of a run as he could before Robbie’s body inevitably gave out and he was forced to stop.

He was going crazy trapped in this beautiful body that he couldn’t touch. There had to be something he could do to help Robbie get things back to normal. 

He decided that he would visit Robbie for a while after his workout. Not because he was desperate to spend time with him at all costs, no matter how painful it was - just to help. _Right._

___

Being around Robbie made him feel giddy, light-headed, and utterly miserable all at once. Robbie, of course, didn’t notice Sportacus’s emotional dilemma, and was preoccupied by his third cup of coffee.

Sportacus winced, but didn’t comment. At least Robbie seemed to be eating better, for the most part.

“You know,” Sportacus said brightly, “the family who adopted that kitten would probably let you visit it. Or I’m sure there’s another one at the vet’s that -”

“I don’t _care_ about that dumb cat, Sportaflop.” The rubber bands around his wrist that he was snapping in agitation told a different story.

“...Or maybe a dog?”

Robbie laughed. “A _dog?_ I don’t think so. The last one was enough trouble.” He winced instinctively at the word, half-expecting the robot to burst out of the shadows and attack.

_I just want you to have_ something, _Robbie. Even if it isn’t me._

Sportacus wondered if he should just come clean. Confess, be rejected, and be done with this hope that just wouldn’t die. It would be better than this.

Robbie looked at him suspiciously. “You must be thinking awfully hard about something. You always get that dopey look on your face. What’s going on?”

“Robbie, do you…”

Robbie raised his eyebrows, waiting.

“...Would you like to visit my home with me sometime?”

The surprise was plain on Robbie’s face. “Your… but… with me? Why?”

“I think you’d like it. And I’d like for you to see it.” This was as plain a confession as he could make.

“I… Well…” Robbie looked around, at a loss. “I’m… pretty busy here…”

“Right. Yeah. Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” 

Why did Sportacus look so miserable? If he wanted to visit his home so badly, why didn’t he just go by himself? 

“Wait... Sportacus. Is it… is it really like you described?”

Sportacus smiled. “Even better.”

“They wouldn’t mind… me being there? The elves?”

“Not at all. Not if they know I trust you.” He paused. “They’d think you were fascinating, actually.”

The wrong choice of words, he realized, as he saw a shadow cross Robbie’s face. 

“Fascinating. Great. Like some kind of freak you caught and brought back to show off.”

“ _No!_ Robbie-”

“Thanks for the offer. I don’t think I’d fit in.” His tone was icy.

“Robbie, listen. I didn’t mean-”

“Yeah. I know. You never do.”

“Robbie…” Sportacus sighed in frustration, more at himself than Robbie. “My English isn’t… that good. That wasn’t the word I meant.”

Robbie seemed to soften slightly. “What word _did_ you mean?”

Unique? Amazing? Exquisite? All true, but he wouldn’t believe them. Sportacus spoke slowly and carefully.

“I think they would… enjoy meeting a human with magic like you have. I think they would be excited to show you part of your heritage. They would want to be your friend.”

Robbie stiffened. “...You knew?”

Sportacus was taken aback. “Of course I did. It would be obvious to any elf.”

Robbie crossed his arms, rubbing his biceps nervously. “I don’t know… much about where I came from. I kept it secret as a kid. Even my adopted parents didn’t know.”

Sportacus put a hand on Robbie’s shoulder. “It must have been difficult. It’s hard to fit in somewhere when you have to keep who you are hidden.”

Robbie gave him a piercing look. “Like you do here?”

Sportacus half-smiled. “I guess. It’s just… nice to feel other magic around.” 

“Yeah. I guess it is.” Robbie leaned into him just a little.

They stood for a moment in companionable silence, then Robbie sniffed. “But I’m not letting you go there in my body. You have no sense of style at all.”

Sportacus’s smile could have powered any of the machines in the lab. “Of course not, Robbie. That’s your job.” He flexed a little. “Besides, the password to get in is a triple backflip, so…”

Robbie’s laughter in response was beautiful. He actually even snorted. “Sportacus, I didn’t know you could be funny.” Robbie wiped away a tear. “I mean, on purpose.” 

Sportacus gave him an impish grin. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

Robbie’s heart thumped in his chest. Why? Why did he suddenly feel so dizzy?

“Okay. Get back to work, then we can start planning a vacation.”

Sportacus chuckled, and nodded obediently. Only a few minutes later, Robbie looked at him in terror.

“Sportacus! The airship-”

“What about it?”

Robbie was pale, fidgeting. “I can’t… It’s too high up, I…”

Sportacus went over and put a comforting hand on his arm. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, Robbie. But you don’t have to go if you’re too afraid.”

Robbie swallowed, and looked at him. Something in Sportacus’s face must have convinced him, because he nodded.

“No. It’ll be fine. Just… fly fast.” 

“I can definitely do that!” Sportacus dabbed, and Robbie had to laugh again. “You certainly seem to be feeling better.”

He regretted saying anything, because Sportacus’s face fell. “What… what do you mean?”

“Well… you’ve been moping around for days now. Looking at me like a… kicked puppy or something.”

Sportacus flushed, and looked away. “I’m just… restless, I guess.”

Robbie looked at him intently. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

“Because, you know… You can’t expect me to spill all my secrets and not tell me anything. It’s not fair.”

He couldn’t decipher the expression on Sportacus’s face. Surprise? Or something else?

“I’m just homesick, that’s all. I’ll feel better once I can really exercise again.”

Robbie stared at him until Sportacus met his eyes. “You’re not lying to me?”

The elf really was bad at hiding his emotions. He looked immensely guilty. “That’s… most of it.”

“And the rest?”

“...I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about it yet.” He chewed his lip. “Is that okay?”

Robbie softened his glare. “Yeah. That’s okay.”

Sportacus breathed a sigh of relief, and turned his gaze back to what Robbie was working on. “So it still won’t turn on?”

Robbie ran a hand through his hair. “Still nothing.”

Sportacus reached out to touch it, and was shocked to see a jolt of blue electricity shoot from his hand to the machine. It lit up and whirred to life for a second, before powering back down.

Robbie grabbed his arm. “Do that again! Hurry!”

Sportacus touched the machine again quickly, but nothing happened. He picked it up with both hands as best he could, and it hummed slightly, then died.

Robbie sighed. “Well, that’s… that’s something at least. That’s more than I’ve been able to do.” He looked at Sportacus. “Do you have some kind of… mechanical magic I don’t know about?”

Sportacus shook his head, bewildered. “No… I’ve never been any good with machines. I don’t know what that was. It’s never happened before.”

Robbie rubbed his chin. “It couldn’t have been just… static electricity, right?”

Sportacus shrugged helplessly. “I’m sorry, Robbie. I’m not sure what I did.”

Robbie felt the need to reassure him. “That’s fine - now we know it can turn on, at least. Maybe there’s still a piece missing…”

“Do you know which one?”

“If I knew which _one,_ we wouldn’t be _in_ this situation, _would_ we?”

That kicked puppy look again. “...I’m sorry. No, I don’t know which one. I’ve taken it apart over and over, and everything looks like it’s in place. It’s just the only thing I can think of.”

Sportacus nodded. “Well, if that’s what’s wrong, we’ll find it. There’s always a way.”

Robbie groaned. “Not another one of your songs, _please._ ”

“You should sing with me, Robbie! You have such a beautiful singing voice.”

Robbie couldn’t come up with a response. Why was he blushing all of a sudden? “Well, not in _your_ body.”

Sportacus laughed. “Touché!”

Then his face suddenly became serious. He took Robbie’s hand tentatively, and Robbie let him. “Thanks for worrying about me, Robbie,” he said in a small voice. 

Robbie cleared his throat, then cleared it again, and still he couldn’t speak.

“...Anyway. I’ll finish cleaning up and then we can take another look and see what we’re missing.”

When Sportacus let go of his hand, Robbie felt like something else was missing, too.


	11. Chapter 11

_“Hey!”_

_The older boy strode towards him, holding a piece of paper in his hand. Robbie knew what was coming, and his heart dropped._

_“What the hell is this?” He threw the paper at Robbie, and Robbie winced, although it hadn’t hurt him._

_“I thought you were supposed to be some kinda genius. Why’d you make me fail?”_

_Robbie struggled to stay calm, keep himself from running like he wanted to. He knew they’d only chase him, and then it would be even worse._

_“I… I told you, I don’t…”_

_The boy grabbed him by his shirtfront, pulled Robbie up to face him. “You don’t what? You don’t care if I fail? You don’t care that you made me look like a fuckin’ idiot?”_

_“No! No, I-”_

_“You can build something that can control the weather, but you can’t do 2+2? Bullshit!” The boy shoved him, and he landed painfully on his elbow.”_

_A few of the boy’s friends, attracted by the commotion, joined their friend. “Haha! He’s gonna cry!”_

_“Well, he’s too stupid to do anything else.” The first boy huffed. “Look. I gave you a simple request, didn’t I? Just do my homework. Why is that so hard for you?”_

_“I don’t know,” Robbie whispered._

_The boy yanked him to his feet. He was several inches shorter than Robbie, although that made him no less terrifying. The bruises still hadn’t faded from the last time. “Well, you  
better figure it out, huh?”_

_Robbie looked around wildly for anyone who might help. The other kids were watching, their faces lit up with voyeuristic excitement. Some of the teachers noticed, but they quickly pretended not to._

_“Please,” Robbie gasped, his shirt collar beginning to choke him. He grabbed the boy’s arm in desperation, trying to pull him off. “I’m sorry...”_

_“Not yet. But you’re gonna be.”_

_Robbie’s long sleeves had slid up his arm, and he and the boy both noticed the scars at the same time._

_Mocking laughter, even worse than physical pain. “Jesus, you’re so fucking pathetic! If you can’t do anything right, why don’t you just kill yourself?”_

_Robbie was really crying now, the helplessness of his situation overwhelming him. “I’m… I’m sorry…”_

_The blow came as a surprise, although it shouldn’t have - this wasn’t the first time. He fell to the ground, dazed, tasting blood._

_Another sheet of paper came fluttering down beside him; new homework. “Don’t bleed on it, dipshit,” the boy hissed, turning to leave. “And don’t fuck it up again.”_

_Robbie pulled his jacket hood over his head, curling in on himself, tears and blood staining the fabric, and no one came to get him when the bell rang._

 

Robbie watched the events replay in his mind, dispassionate, sipping his coffee. These memories resurfaced from time to time, especially after a bad night’s sleep. This one was fairly tame, considering, and he was able to harden his heart against the feelings it threatened to awaken.

One wound, however, was fresher, and he couldn’t help but feel a stab of pain in his chest when he looked at the empty corner where cat food bowls had so recently been. The kitten’s absence was stifling, and he hadn’t realized how dependent he’d become on its company until it was gone. 

He sniffed in annoyance. _It was just a dumb cat. You weren’t going to keep it, anyway._

But it had liked him - more than it did anyone else. It was the only creature that ever had. 

_Sportacus likes you._

He blinked in surprise. Where had that thought come from? _Sportacus doesn’t like me. He pities me. It’s his job._

_He cares about you. He wants you to show you his home._

That was a good point. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t rationalize that. 

The crystal in his pocket beeped, interrupting his thoughts. “Ughhh… someone’s in trouble.”

___

He got dressed as quickly as he could - after a moment of hesitation, he put on Sportacus’s usual blue outfit. He wasn’t entirely sure why, and he chose not to overthink it.

Robbie raced up the hatch and headed to… _oh no._

_The billboard._

Most of the town had already congregated, watching in fear. A familiar black-and-white kitten sat at the top, trembling in fear.

 _“Rottenello?”_ Robbie gasped. What was _he_ doing here? He’d been adopted! Where was his family?

Robbie whirled around, looking for Sportacus. “Sportacus! How did he even get up there?”

“I don’t know,” Sportacus said, looking just as confused and worried as Robbie was. “I tried to climb up the ladder and get him, but he scratched me and ran away. I was afraid he’d fall, so I left him alone.” He saw the look on Robbie’s face. “Not because I thought you wouldn’t come! I just… It’s so high up, and I didn’t want you to have to…”

Robbie stared up at the billboard, feeling dizzy. He remembered the last time he’d been up there. It wasn’t an experience he was anxious to revisit.

He took a deep breath, but he couldn’t stop shaking.

“Robbie!” Sportacus took his face in his hands. “You can do this. I _know_ you can.”

Robbie wasn’t so sure, but he didn’t have a choice.

Sportacus inhaled deeply, and slowly exhaled, and Robbie matched his breathing to Sportacus’s. Strange how comforting that was.

“Okay. Okay. Let me go.”

Sportacus dropped his hands, and Robbie turned his attention to the ladder.

 _One rung at a time. One step at a time. Hand over foot._ Rottenello was crying, and he tried to ignore it, though it tore at his heartstrings. _One step at a time._

He somehow made it to the top, and did his best to overcome his vertigo. Rottenello scrambled his way over to him, almost slipping, and Robbie grabbed him as soon as he was close enough and held him to his chest.

The kitten was shaking, but purring, and licked at Robbie’s face eagerly. _He’s okay. He’s all right._

Now… the hardest part.

He made the mistake of looking down, and the people below seemed very small and far away.

Robbie closed his eyes, swallowing. He had to go back down, but his feet wouldn’t move.

“Robbie!” Sportacus’s voice.

“Robbie, you’re going to be fine. You can do it. It’s not as far as it seems, I promise.”

The ladder wobbled, and Robbie held back a scream.

“Stingy! That is _not_ yours!” Trixie yelled from below.

“Yes, it is!”

“No, it’s _not!_ ”

“Guys!” Stephanie interrupted. “Knock it off! Can’t you see how scared he is?”

The whole town was watching. Waiting for him to fail. Waiting for him to fall.

_You can’t even do this one simple thing._

_You’re an idiot._

_Why is this so hard for you?_

“I don’t know,” Robbie whispered to himself, feeling faint. “I don’t know.”

“...Robbie?” came Stephanie’s voice. “You can come down. Sportacus is holding the ladder, it won’t move.” 

Sportacus. The one person who believed in him - or said he did, anyway. At the very least, Robbie knew Sportacus wouldn’t purposely let him fall.

Robbie looked into the kitten’s big blue eyes, and held him tightly with one arm. One foot moved down to a lower rung, very carefully.

“That’s it, Robbie. You can do it.” Sportacus again.

Going back down was so much harder than coming up. He felt so unbalanced, only being able to climb with one arm. He loosened his grip on the kitten, hoping that it might climb onto his shoulder as it had done before, but it meowed in protest and dug its claws into his bracer. _So much for that._

Eyes closed, one foot at a time. It seemed like he climbed for ages before his feet touched solid ground, and he felt a warm embrace.

“Robbie! You did it! I knew you could! I’m so proud of you!”

Sportacus was looking down at him, grinning, and - were those tears?

 _“Robbie!”_ Stephanie ran over to him. “You got him!”

Robbie looked down at the happy kitten in his arms, and felt a wave of misery. He’d accepted the fact that Rottenello wasn’t his. Now he had to give him up, all over again.

“Where’s his family?” he heard himself ask, from far away.

“I’m his family! Well, sort of.” Stephanie looked bashful. “I adopted him.”

“You did?” 

“Well… You weren’t going to admit you wanted him! So I had to do _something!_ ”

“What… what are you talking about?”

Stephanie gave a huff of annoyance. “You kept saying you were only taking care of him until someone else took him. So I adopted him, _for_ you!”

This wasn’t registering. He stared from the kitten to Stephanie blankly.

“He’s _yours,_ Robbie!” Stephanie hugged Robbie around the waist tightly. “I got him for you! Now you can stop pretending you don’t want him.” She gave him a crafty grin. “Rottenello, huh?”

Robbie swallowed, but the words weren’t coming out. Sportacus and Stephanie were holding him, Rottenello was purring against his chest, and none of this felt real.

“Robbie Rotten!” At the sound of the mayor’s voice, he jumped, certain he was in trouble.

Milford was carrying something, Bessie trailing behind. 

“Robbie Rotten, you may have... misbehaved in the past..." (he paused for good-natured chuckles) "...but you've shown us that you really do have a good side, and we're proud to have you as part of our town. For all your heroic actions, I wanted to present you with _this!_ ” He held the huge gold trophy out in front of him, smiling. “For everything you’ve done for Lazytown, I give you… the Person of the Year award!”

Robbie blinked, and stared at the faces around him. Everyone was smiling - at _him._ Clapping. Bessie was even dabbing an eye with her handkerchief.

He looked up at Sportacus. The elf was grinning from ear to ear. “Robbie, _go!_ You deserve it!”

Robbie pressed his face into Sportacus’s chest, not caring who was watching. “I don’t…”

Sportacus’s arms wrapped around him. “You _do._ I promise.”

“I _don’t!_ I-” The tears were flowing now. “I… I can’t even do basic math…”

“What?” Sportacus laughed a little in spite of himself. “Robbie, that doesn’t matter! You’re a hero. _Everyone_ thinks so. And they’re right.”

Robbie felt himself shakily disentangle from Sportacus’s grasp, and made his way to the mayor.

Still, even now, he expected a trick, and flinched slightly when the mayor thrust the trophy into his hands. “To Robbie Rotten!”

“Hip, hip, hooray!” cheered the townspeople. “Hip, hip, hooray!”

Sportacus was looking at him, arms crossed, smiling. So was Stephanie, unconsciously mimicking Sportacus’s pose. Even the kitten was mewing in agreement.

He was really crying now, but for once, no one was laughing at him. There were only supportive smiles in the sea of faces around him.

“Robbie…” Sportacus came to his side. “I… I don’t know if this is the best time, but…” He opened his palm, showing Robbie a small piece of metal, shaped like an L. “I… found it earlier, behind that tree. Do you think…”

Robbie pulled him into a hug without thinking, awkwardly trying to hold the kitten, the trophy, and Sportacus all at once. It was made even more difficult by all the kids trying to worm their way into the hug as well.

The raucous noise of laughter and cheers was overwhelming, but he didn’t want it to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will probably take a little more time than usual to be posted - it's crazy long and proving to be quite a challenge to write! but hopefully it'll be worth the wait >:)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kind of a short chapter, but don't worry, the next one will be more than long enough to make up for it! i just decided to break it up a little and give you guys something to tide you over until the next update <3

Robbie awoke, grumbling as always, blinking through his morning amnesia.

Something about… a cat, and an award, and a… party?

He groaned. Sometimes the worst dreams were the good ones; at least with nightmares, he could feel some relief when he woke up.

A meow coming from the arm of the chair startled him, and he looked into the plaintive eyes of Rottenello.

_Rottenello?_ He was here?

Then everything that happened yesterday - the cheers, the trophy - it was all… real?

He turned his gaze to his endtable - there was the award, his name engraved on it with care, beneath the words “Person of the Year.”

So this was really happening. No cruel joke, no twist, just recognition and acceptance from the town he would never admit he loved.

And Sportacus…

He sat up with a start. Sportacus! He’d found the missing piece of the machine. Now this ordeal could finally end.

Robbie glanced at the clock. It was well past noon - Sportacus would probably be here any minute. 

And then things would be back to normal. Robbie looked down at himself and sighed. It was terrible, but… he was going to miss this body. For… several reasons.

Sportacus’s sudden arrival interrupted his thoughts. _Right on time,_ he thought, and felt oddly glum. Once Sportacus had his body back, there’d be no reason to spend time with Robbie. He’d probably forget all about his invitation to travel with him, too. 

“Good morning, Robbie!” Sportacus said cheerfully, fists on his hips. “Well… afternoon.”

Robbie grunted in response, then noticed that Sportacus was wearing Robbie’s usual striped outfit.

“Where did you get that?”

Sportacus looked a little abashed. “Stephanie brought it to me. And… I thought you might be more comfortable in your usual clothes once we changed back.”

“So she snuck in again?”

“Well… she didn’t know you weren’t going to be here…”

“You really need to get your kid under control, Sportaflop.”

Sportacus smiled. “You know she means well.” He turned his attention to the end table. “That sure is a handsome trophy!”

“I only got it because I’m in your body,” Robbie muttered.

Sportacus’s face fell. “What?”

“I couldn’t have saved anyone if I had been in my own body. And I didn’t have a choice, anyway.”

“Robbie…” Sportacus moved towards him, and the pitying look on his face made Robbie irrationally angry.

“Don’t try to deny it, Sportaflop. You know it’s true.”

“No, it isn’t,” Sportacus said, steel in his voice. “You deserve this trophy. It may have been my body, but you always had a choice. You kept the crystal. You dropped everything and ran to help people in trouble. And you overcame your worst fears to do it.” He put a hand on Robbie’s shoulder. “I meant what I said yesterday. I _am_ proud of you.”

His serious tone brooked no disagreement, and Robbie looked at him in surprise. “...Okay, Sportacus.”

Sportacus gave him a smile that made him feel warm and somehow strange. He slid his way from under Sportacus’s hand and turned his attention to the machine. “Did you bring the piece?”

“Yep!” Sportacus produced it from his pocket and handed it to Robbie, who made a beeline for the contraption.

Sportacus trailed after him. “Robbie, um… I have a dumb question.”

“Of course you do.” Robbie didn’t look up. “What is it?”

“...If you knew what piece was missing, why didn’t you just… you know… make another one?”

Robbie put his hands on the table and sighed with longsuffering. “Do you _really_ think I didn’t try that already? It didn’t work. I figured it must only work with all its original pieces, for some reason.”

“Right. Yeah.” Sportacus’s heart was pounding. If this worked, if they switched back… Robbie wasn’t going to want him around so much. He’d probably already forgotten about going to Sportacus’s homeland. Once this was done, he wouldn’t want anything more to do with him.

He swallowed, trying to hide his nervousness. “Does it look like… I mean, is it the right one?”

“I think so.” Robbie stepped back, eyeing it critically. “It still won’t turn on, but maybe if you push the button, it will.”

Did his hand hesitate over the button, just for a moment? If it did, Robbie didn’t seem to notice.

Sportacus pushed it, and…

Nothing. Just a blue flash, that powered it on for a few seconds, then stopped.

Robbie was close to tears. “That should have _worked!_ What are we missing?”

“Wait… Robbie.” Sportacus took his hand. “I have an idea.”

“That’s a first,” was Robbie’s acerbic retort, but he let Sportacus take his hand and place it on the machine. 

“Like I said… I don’t know anything about machinery, but… I have a hunch this might work.”

Robbie kept his hand still, and Sportacus pushed the button, and the machine whirred to life.

Robbie waited with bated breath, expecting it to die again, but it stayed on. It had needed… both of them. He’d needed Sportacus this whole time to make things right. 

_Why didn’t I realize this earlier?_

With a stab of guilt, he knew why. Because he’d been pushing Sportacus away this entire time. Trying to do everything alone, because that was the only way he knew. 

Sportacus looked at him with joy. “Robbie! You did it!”

_I did it?_ He felt lightheaded. “Don’t get too excited. We still have to see if this thing can reverse what it did. That’s not what it was built for, remember?”

“Right.” Sportacus tried to calm down, but calm was not his natural state. “Do you… do you want to try it?”

“Wait a second.” Robbie picked up Rottenello and put him in the bedroom, shutting the door. “I don’t want him to get hurt.”

Sportacus wondered if it occurred to Robbie that Rottenello might not recognize him afterwards. He prayed with all his heart that he would. 

“We should… probably sit down for this.” Robbie looked nervous. “Just in case.”

Sportacus looked around the room, seeing only the ubiquitous furry recliner and the metal chair he’d dragged over before. He frowned, thinking of how to set it up.

“I actually…” Robbie sighed. “I never have guests, but I did get a couch a while ago. I prefer to sleep in my chair, but we can use that.”

Sportacus narrowed his eyes, and scanned the room again. “...Where?”

Robbie huffed. “It’s in the back room. It doesn’t match the chair. What, you didn’t think my whole house was just my lab?”

Sportacus coughed. “No. Of course not.”

Robbie picked up the machine and made his way to the wall at the back, adjacent to his bedroom door. “Well? Come on.”


	13. Chapter 13

With shaking hands, Robbie placed one of the sensors on Sportacus’s forehead, and one on his own. He took a deep breath, and locked eyes with Sportacus.

What was that weird look in the elf’s eyes? He looked… eager, but worried.

Well, of course he was. Who wouldn’t be desperate to escape the hell that was Robbie’s body? And of course he’d be worried, because what if the machine didn’t work? What if he was trapped in it forever?

_He doesn’t have to be so obvious about it, though,_ Robbie grumbled to himself, feeling just a little hurt, before he pushed his emotions away and focused on the task at hand. 

Giving the contraption a nervous once-over, he determined that everything looked to be in place, and, carefully avoiding Sportacus’s gaze as they both put a hand on the machine, pressed the button.

___

He opened his eyes to Sportacus’s familiar and annoying face with the familiar and annoying look of confusion on it, and felt simultaneously overwhelmed with relief and crushing disappointment. Now he’d be able to eat sugar again, and not have to think about the horrible violation of having someone else occupy his body. 

And he’d never again feel that energy, that strength that came from being in Sportacus’s body…

His thoughts were interrupted by a warm hand on the back of his head and soft lips pressing against his urgently, awkwardly, which ended as quickly as it started. 

Sportacus sat in front of him, fidgeting nervously, his cheeks and the tips of his ears red. He avoided Robbie’s eyes and scratched his head, looking at a loss.

“S… Sportacus, did you just-”

“I’m sorry!” he burst out. “I - I should have asked! I just… I wanted to do that for so long, I…”

All of the blood drained from Robbie’s face, and he felt like he was floating. He’d wanted to do this for… how long, exactly? And how had Robbie not noticed? And why… why would he…

He shook his thoughts away, not completely sure what they even were, unwilling to consider how _good_ Sportacus’s lips felt on his. “Don’t make fun of me, Sportacus,” he hissed viciously, and was gratified to see the hero flinch away from him. 

“I… Robbie, I’m not -”

“Of _course_ you are!” The words burst out of him with more violence than he intended. The look of deep hurt on Sportacus’s face looked genuine, but… it wasn’t. Robbie knew it wasn’t. “I don’t know what kind of stupid revenge idea this is, or how long you’ve been planning it, but it’s not going to work. Just… I don’t know. Beat me up, or something. I’m used to that.” 

The last words trailed off, but Sportacus heard them. He tentatively reached out to touch Robbie’s hand, but Robbie snatched it away. 

“Robbie, I’m not… I’m not making fun of you. And I’m not going to hurt you.” Robbie refused to meet his eyes, but he heard the unmistakable sound of a sniff. “I would _never_ hurt you. I thought… you might have known that by now.”

Was the elf crying? A foolish ploy, one that Robbie was determined would not work on him.

“I thought… I mean, maybe… even though neither of us planned on this, I thought it might… I thought you might... be my... friend. And I…”

A gasping sob. “Robbie, I _care_ about you! I know _you_ don’t care about you, but… I do. And this whole time… all I thought about was how… when I got my body back, the first thing I was going to do was kiss you.”

God, he wanted that to be true, he really did. Almost against his will, he turned to look at Sportacus.

The elf was wiping his nose on his sleeve, looking like a kicked dog, defeated; even his pointy ears were drooping a little. The sight melted the ice around Robbie’s heart just enough that he kissed Sportacus back without thinking.

It was fast, sloppy, and probably too rough, and Sportacus’s eyes widened, his body rocking as if from whiplash.

They stared at each other in silence, then Sportacus began to laugh. “You could at least let me wipe my face first,” he said, giving Robbie the widest smile he’d ever seen, even through the last of his tears.

That bright smile, directed at him, and only him. Robbie’s heart sank. _I love Sportacus._ He had loved him for an unbearably long time, probably since the first moment he saw him. 

And now he could finally admit it to himself, and do something about it.

He turned down the volume on the voice in his brain that was screaming at him that this was a joke, he didn’t deserve Sportacus, he didn’t deserve anyone, and took the elf’s face in his hands.

He’d scrutinized and studied this face in the mirror, of course, memorizing all its details, but seeing it in front of him like this, returned to its proper owner, was different. Sportacus’s hair was messy, his face was flushed, and Robbie had a sudden desire to count all those freckles again, one by one. 

Later. He’d do that later.

He moved Sportacus’s face closer to his, feeling emboldened by Sportacus’s shallow breaths and the quickening heartbeat he felt close to his. Robbie kissed him, and let those feelings he’d spent so long denying fill him with warmth.

Sportacus returned the kiss eagerly, his arms around Robbie, his hands in his hair. The elf’s lips really were soft, and he smelled like Robbie’s shampoo, and he was so warm, and-

Oh God, there was no more room for thoughts. Sportacus kissed Robbie’s lips, his cheeks, his nose, his hair, still doing that little gasping-laugh like he couldn’t believe he was allowed to do this. “Robbie… Robbie…!”

Sportacus kissed away his tears, and Robbie realized he was crying. 

“God, we’re a mess,” he muttered into Sportacus’s shoulder, and the hero laughed again.

“It’s ok, Robbie. It’s ok to have feelings.” He paused, and his voice was soft. “At least we’re a mess together.”

As Robbie brought his face back up to Sportacus’s to kiss him again, a devious thought occurred to him. He knew from personal experience how sensitive the elf’s ears were. What if he just…

He ran the tip of one finger along the curve of Sportacus’s ear, and the elf gave a shuddering gasp.

“Robbie - you -”

Robbie grinned at him. “I think that’s enough crying for tonight, don’t you?”

“But - you have to be careful, they’re very -”

“I know just how sensitive they are, Sportaflop. Trust me.”

Was that a glint in Sportacus’s eye? Was he thinking about what Robbie might have done in his body? Did he… like what he was imagining?

Apparently, since he threw himself back into Robbie’s arms with renewed vigor. 

Robbie took this as enthusiastic consent, and let his finger trace Sportacus’s ear again, stopping at the tip.

Sportacus gasped Robbie’s name into his open mouth, and writhed against him. “Robbie, Robbie, please, oh, Robbie,” he babbled, and Robbie stroked the tips of both ears at the same time.

“Fff - ahhh!”

Had he been about to say _“fuck”?_ Amazing. 

Before he could consider his next plan of attack, Sportacus had pushed him down onto the couch and straddled him, panting and flushed.

A thrill ran through Robbie. Was this really happening? Was this actually just a wish-fulfillment dream, and he’d wake up any second, feeling frustrated and aching?

Well, he’d enjoy being held down by the elf while it lasted. 

Sportacus’s hands were tangled in Robbie’s hair, his tongue exploring every inch of his mouth, and he was grinding against him slightly, clearly trying to control himself as best he could.

_Let’s see if we can get rid of that self-control._ Robbie slid his hands under Sportacus’s shirt, dragging his nails down his back just hard enough to hurt.

Sportacus let out a groan, and arched against him. “Robbie… Robbie, _please…_ ”

_What am I doing what am I doing what am I doing..._

Sportacus’s hands were on Robbie’s hips, moving him against himself, pulling Robbie as close as possible, his face in Robbie’s neck.

_Enough of this._ Robbie pulled off Sportacus’s shirt with ferocity, once again in awe of the elf’s body. Suddenly he felt very inferior, undeserving of the sight.

“Sportacus, wait.”

The hero stopped short, looking at him worriedly. “What’s wrong?”

“Everything, that’s... Everything.” Robbie looked down at himself, feeling that familiar wave of self-hatred. 

Sportacus seemed to understand what was happening. He put a finger under Robbie’s chin and lifted it up to face him. “Nothing’s wrong with your body, if that’s what you mean. Or with you.”

“That’s not true. I mean, _you’ve_ seen me.”

Sportacus gave him a small smile. “Yes, I have. And I want to see you again. As _you._ ”

The elf moved toward him slowly, then paused, waiting for resistance. When none came, he pressed his lips gently against Robbie’s. 

“Don’t compare yourself to anyone else, Robbie,” he whispered, then chuckled. “After all, you’re like no one else I’ve ever met.”

Fine. He didn’t deserve Sportacus, it was true, but as long as Sportacus didn’t mind…

Robbie kissed him back fiercely, biting his lower lip, then ran another finger along his ear.

The deep groan that escaped the elf’s lips made the ache in Robbie’s groin intensify, and Sportacus all but ripped Robbie’s shirt off, kissing every inch of his chest that he could reach.

Robbie forced himself to relax, to not focus on how pale and flabby his body must be to Sportacus, and when Sportacus let his tongue trail across Robbie’s nipple it was easy to let go of all that anxiety and just let instinct take over. 

Robbie stretched his arms over his head and gripped the edge of the couch, reveling in the feel of Sportacus’s mouth exploring his chest, kissing his collarbone, his nipples, his  
stomach, Sportacus’s hand running up his leg, his thigh, his…

_!_

How long had it been since someone touched him there? Too long, so long he’d almost forgotten how good it felt. Sportacus was apparently more experienced that he’d thought, running his fingers back and forth over Robbie’s growing bulge with just enough pressure to drive him insane. 

“Sportacus - !”

Sportacus gave a breathy chuckle against Robbie’s ear. “I was waiting for you to say my name.”

“Is that what you wanted?” Robbie gasped. “Fuck. You could have just said so.”

“Robbie!” Sportacus was laughing, but he sounded mildly scandalized.

“Really? That’s where we’re drawing the line? Profanity?”

“Say my name again,” Sportacus purred. “You won’t regret it.”

“Sportaflop,” Robbie hissed, unable to stop himself from taking a jab at the hero, even in this situation.

Sportacus chuckled, and took his hand off Robbie’s groin. “Try again.”

“Okay! Okay, fine.” He took a deep, frustrated breath and looked into Sportacus’s eyes. “Sportacus…”

“Much better.” Sportacus slid a hand down Robbie’s pants.

“Ah - !” He arched against the elf involuntarily, fingers scrabbling for purchase against the armrest. “Do you - God! Do you have to look at my face when you do that?”

“I like seeing the faces you make,” Sportacus said, smiling. He looked pointedly at Robbie’s hands. “You can touch me, you know.”

“I - no, I can’t -” He couldn’t help but feel that touching Sportacus any more than he already had would somehow soil the hero.

“Yes, you can.” He took one of Robbie’s hands and placed it on his chest. Robbie flinched a little, but Sportacus didn’t move. “And I… want you to.”

Robbie tentatively moved a hand down Sportacus’s chest, feeling the muscles flex beneath the tanned skin, the nagging feeling that he shouldn’t be doing this still in the back of his mind.

But Sportacus felt so good… and so warm… and so…

“Alright, fine,” Robbie growled, and pulled the elf down on top of him.

God, he really was hot. “Do you have a fever?”

Sportacus laughed. “No.”

“So you’re just…” Robbie gestured vaguely. “Like this?”

“Robbie, you really do talk too much.” Sportacus covered Robbie’s mouth with his own, and one finger grazed the tip of Robbie’s erection.

“F-fuck!” Robbie involuntarily closed his legs around Sportacus’s hand. “Where did you learn to be so… so...”

“Well…” Sportacus’s cheeks were tinged pink. “I’ve… actually never done this before.”

_“Wait.”_ Robbie sat up abruptly. “Are you serious?”

“Yes…” Robbie seemed to be expecting more of an answer. “I’ve just… read a lot…”

Relief flooded through Robbie. So he wouldn’t have to compete with any past lovers, then. He didn’t think he could stand the idea of Sportacus comparing everything he did to someone more attractive or skilled.

“Didn’t you just say we were talking too much?” Robbie grabbed Sportacus’s hips, pushing himself against them and covering the elf’s mouth before he could protest.  
Sportacus took the hint and resumed stroking Robbie’s cock with renewed vigor, his eager tongue in Robbie’s mouth.

“ _Christ,_ just take them off,” Robbie groaned, straining against the restrictive fabric of his pants.

“I don’t know…” Sportacus looked down at him doubtfully, and Robbie’s heart sank. Was he moving too fast? Had Sportacus changed his mind about the whole thing? Not that Robbie could blame him, but he thought he might die if Sportacus stopped touching him. 

“I have a better idea.” With a mischievous grin, Sportacus moved down to Robbie’s crotch and began licking him through the fabric.

_“Fuck!”_ Robbie hadn’t realized how desperate he had been for human contact - especially contact like _this_ \- and as soon as the word was out of his mouth he was terrified that Sportacus would stop what he was doing and scold him again. 

But if the elf minded, he didn’t show it, and only responded by taking as much of Robbie’s erection in his mouth as he could.

“Oh, _Sportacus_ \- oh my _God…_ ” Robbie bucked his hips and tangled his fingers in Sportacus’s hair, trying not to pull too hard, but his restraint was almost completely gone in the waves of pleasure flowing through him. 

Sportacus had one hand on Robbie’s hips, keeping him still, and other one running up and down his chest, and Robbie almost lost it.

“ _Wait!_ Wait - ”

“What is it?” That look of genuine concern, directed at him. He didn’t think he could never get used to that.

“You’re about to end this show before it starts,” Robbie said shakily, running a hand through his own sweaty, tangled hair. 

“What? Oh!” Sportacus laughed, looking a little abashed. “Sorry…”

“No - don’t _apologize,_ for Christ’s sake.” Robbie sat up, his words softened by the gentle kiss he gave Sportacus when the elf moved up to meet him.

“Do you… want to try something else?” Sportacus asked, sounding a little lost. Not surprising; after all, this was uncharted territory for him.

“Yes. Take off your pants.”

Sportacus smiled. “Okay, but only if you do, too.” Taking note of the glare Robbie shot him, he shrugged innocently. “I just want to look at you! I won’t touch you until you want me to.”

Robbie sighed deeply, as though it was a huge imposition. “Fine.”

Sportacus slid Robbie’s pants off carefully, and laid them very gently on the floor beside the couch as though they were sacred. Then he gracefully stood and stepped down out of his own, staring down at himself in confusion. 

“Robbie… what is…”

Sportacus was wearing Robbie’s heart boxers - of course he was, that was what Robbie had been wearing when he’d been in Sportacus’s body. 

“My underwear. Obviously.” Robbie was suddenly extremely self-conscious; Sport went commando, even in Robbie’s body, so he felt keenly how exposed he was. “Is that a problem?”

Sportacus shook his head and chuckled. “No, I think they’re cute.” He slipped out of the boxers, and motioned for Robbie to get up. 

“What? Why?”

“Don’t look so worried,” Sportacus said, smiling, and gave Robbie a quick kiss when he stood up. “Trust me.”

_Trust him?_ Robbie had never trusted anyone in his life. But the elf was reclining on the couch, smiling at him so sweetly, looking for all the world like a Greek god, and Robbie couldn’t help but do so, if just a little. If just for now. 

“Um - okay. What do you want me to do?”

“Get on top of me.”

Sportacus must have seen something funny in Robbie’s expression, because he laughed and shook his head. “If you want, I mean.”

“I… all right.” Feeling extremely clumsy, Robbie positioned himself on top of Sportacus, trying to find somewhere comfortable to put his knee, acutely aware of Sportacus’s cock rubbing against his.

“You look worried,” Sportacus said softly, turning Robbie’s chin so that they were facing one another. “Do you want to do this?”

If Robbie said no, Sportacus would get up, put his clothes on, and leave, taking with him the only real human connection Robbie had ever had. And judging by the look on  
Sportacus’s face - the genuine concern, the vulnerability, the raw _need_ \- it wouldn’t be any easier for the elf. 

“Of course I do, dumbass,” Robbie said, sighing. “I’m just - awkward, sorry.”

Sportacus’s grin took up almost his entire face. “Robbie, Robbie,” he said, punctuating his words with kisses, “you’re _beautiful…_ ”

“And you’re so stupid it’s almost unbelievable,” Robbie muttered, but returned his kisses with just as much passion.

Sportacus ran his hands down to Robbie’s waist and let them rest on his hips, tightening his grip gradually, like he was afraid Robbie would disappear. “I -” he said, then stopped, blushing.

“What?” 

“It’s - no, I just…” He wouldn’t meet Robbie’s eye, a shy smile on his lips. “I always liked… your hips.”

“You… what?”

“Sorry! That’s weird, isn’t it? They’re just… so... never mind.”

Sportacus was this flustered… over _him?_ There were parts of him that Sportacus liked? _Always_ liked, in fact? This didn’t make any sense, but… it felt good to hear. _Great,_ actually.

“I’ve always liked your freckles,” Robbie said, kissing the elf’s neck where the blush had started to creep. “And your arms.”

Sportacus hid his face in Robbie’s neck. “So _that’s_ why you were always touching them.”

“I - yeah, I guess so.” Had it really taken Robbie this long to realize? And Sportacus really wasn’t as dumb as Robbie liked to think he was - how long had _he_ known what this tension between them really was? 

Sportacus saw the look on Robbie’s face when he’d complimented him, and couldn’t help but feel relieved. Robbie was finally becoming… well, if not convinced by, at least _receptive_ to the fact that Sportacus really was attracted to him.

“And I like your waist,” Sportacus said, grinning, moving his hands upward, “and your chest, and your hair, and your voice, and-”

Robbie was completely red now. “Okay, you don’t have to start making things up.”

“I _do!_ And your eyes. I used to stare at them in the mirror for so long I lost track of time.” Sportacus pulled Robbie’s face to him and kissed him.

Robbie returned the kiss, looking dazed. “You… you did?”

“I did. And I’d sing - well, I’m not as good as you are, but I wanted to hear your voice…”

Robbie’s throat felt dry. 

“I’m sorry! I’m… that’s creepy. Sorry.”

“No, no!” Robbie burst out. “Not at all, it’s… Did you do… anything else?”

Sportacus blushed. Funny that he was blushing at those implications, in this situation. “No, I didn’t. I didn’t want to without… your permission.”

“Oh. Well, _I_ feel like a monster.”

Sportacus gave him a crafty grin. “Really? So you… didn’t mind being in my body?”

“ _Mind?_ How could I mind? It was…” He couldn’t seem to find the words.

Sportacus interrupted him by putting a hand on his jaw and kissing him again. “Is it ok if I try something?”

“Yes,” Robbie said immediately.

Sportacus bit his lip - _god, he was so_ cute - and put a hand around both of their erections, moving his hand slowly up and down.

The sound that emerged from Robbie was unearthly, but he wasn’t worried how he sounded right now. He dug his fingernails into Sportacus’s shoulders and gasped.

“How does that feel…?”

“How do you think it feels?? Oh my God…”

They were both leaking precum now, and Sportacus spread it to both of their cocks for lubricant, still moving so slowly, _too_ slowly...

“Sportacus… you… I…”

“What do you want, Robbie?” the elf whispered in his ear, and he moaned.

“I… I want…”

“What do you want? I’ll give it to you. Anything.” Despite his words, he sounded just as desperate as Robbie was.

“I want you… inside me… please…”

Sportacus pulled Robbie down, closer to him, nuzzling him, nibbling his earlobe. Then he chuckled. “You might need to scoot up a little for this.”

Robbie had never moved so quickly in his life.

Sportacus touched Robbie’s lips gently, but Robbie was in no mood for gentleness. He took Sportacus’s fingers and sucked on them, letting his tongue swirl around Sportacus’s fingertips.

Sportacus inhaled sharply, and took them away after a moment, moving down to Robbie’s entrance. 

He touched him carefully, still moving so slowly Robbie thought he might go crazy. “Just fuck me, Sportaflop,” he growled, and gasped as Sportacus slid a finger in.

“You’re so impatient, Robbie,” Sportacus said, but Robbie didn’t hear him. The pressure against his prostate, with Sportacus still masturbating him, made him see stars.

“Do you want more, Robbie?”

_“Yes,”_ he all but screamed.

Sportacus added a finger, but then stopped, hesitant. “I don’t want to hurt you…”

“You won’t hurt me. Trust me.” Robbie took Sportacus’s cock and positioned it his entrance. _“Please.”_

Sportacus leaned up to kiss him, savoring his taste, the sweat in his hair, his heartbeat, _I love you, Robbie,_ he thought, and thrust into him, just a little.

Robbie threw his head back and gave a strangled gasp. “Yes! Oh God, Sportacus… _fuck!”_

Feeling Robbie tightening around him made Sportacus gasp as well, and he had to stop himself from going all the way in too quickly. He really could hurt Robbie if he wasn’t careful, and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Robbie, are you okay?”

_“Yes!_ But if you stop now, I’m going to lose my mind. _Please…”_

Sportacus went in a little further, and Robbie held on to him and clawed his shoulders like a wild cat. 

Seeing Robbie on top of him, face flushed and sweaty, all self-consciousness gone in euphoria, was a sight Sportacus was going to treasure forever. 

He held onto Robbie’s buttocks - he wouldn’t put it past Robbie to fall off - and pushed himself deeper, groaning at how tight and warm Robbie was. 

“Let me… let me know if I hurt you…”

“You’re _not_ going to hurt me, Sportaflop! Harder - _please -”_

Robbie rode him desperately, his breath coming in hitches, pushing until there was nowhere else to go, and Sportacus was under him, Sportacus was _inside_ of him, oh _God -_

And now Sportacus’s hand was on his cock, moving quickly, and he felt Sportacus buck underneath him, pushing in even deeper, and - 

He collapsed onto Sportacus, unconcerned about the mess, and concentrated only on their chests rising and falling together, their heartbeats in sync, Sportacus’s smell…

Sportacus reached up and ran a hand through Robbie’s hair, the sweetness of the gesture making him want to cry.

“This… isn’t what I expected would happen… once we switched back,” he panted.

Sportacus laughed, and his voice was like music. “Me either. But I’m glad it did.”

Suddenly Sportacus looked down at him, worried. “You are too, right? I mean…”

“Of course I am, Sportacus,” Robbie said, too spent to think of a clever nickname. “You worry too much.”

“Well… there’s a lot to worry about.” Sportacus sounded introspective, even as he continued stroking Robbie’s hair.

Robbie lifted his head to meet Sportacus’s eyes. “I’m…” He cleared his throat. “I’m... sorry I made you worry about me.”

Sportacus smiled at him, and he really looked like an angel, why hadn’t Robbie noticed that before? Why hadn’t he let himself notice that?

“It’s okay,” he said, and kissed Robbie gently. “It’s okay.”

Robbie could have laid there forever, but Sportacus couldn’t. “We should get cleaned up.”

“Who cares?”

“Robbie!” That scandalized tone again. “Come on. I’ll carry you.”

He almost argued, but - what dignity did he really have left to lose?

Sportacus picked him up and held him with one arm as he opened the door to the bathroom. Robbie pretended not to be impressed.

___

After their shower - during most of which Sportacus had to support Robbie, who was falling asleep on his feet - Sportacus carried him to the bed.

“No bed,” Robbie protested sleepily. “Nightmares.”

Sportacus looked at him in concern. So that was why he was always sleeping in his chair. “Robbie, it’ll be much more comfortable. And better for your back.”

“Ehh…”

“And I’ll be here.”

Sleeping with Sportacus… now that was an enticing idea. He allowed himself to be set down on the bed, and covered with the blanket.

Sportacus slid in and put an arm around Robbie, who eagerly curled up against him.

“I love you, Sportacus,” he muttered, and felt Sportacus go stiff.

“You… you do?”

_Oh, fuck._ Robbie was wide awake now. “I… I just mean… never mind, forget I said anything. Heat of the moment. You know.” He wished the ground would open up and swallow him.

“Oh.” Sportacus was so quiet Robbie could barely hear him, even though he was only an inch away. “I… yeah. I understand.”

Robbie felt like he’d messed up, big time, although he wasn’t entirely sure why. Having Robbie in love with him would only be an inconvenience, right? It wasn’t as if Sportacus…

“Okay. Listen.”

“I’m listening,” came Sportacus’s small voice.

“Not that it matters, but okay. I guess I am… inlovewithyou. Not that it matters, but. Yeah. I’m sorry if that… sucks.”

Sportacus sat up in flash, inadvertently dropping Robbie’s head onto the pillow. “Really? You really… mean that?”

_"Yes,_ okay? Stop grilling me. Jesus.” Sportacus clearly hadn’t heard of letting someone down easy.

_“Robbie!”_ Sportacus rolled over on top of him, one palm flat on the pillow on either side of Robbie’s face. He leaned down and kissed Robbie eagerly, over and over. “Robbie, I _love_ you!”

_“What?”_ Robbie could only stare at him in confusion. “No. That’s impossible. You’re messing up your English again.”

“I’m not!” Sportacus wiped at his eyes with one arm unselfconsciously. “It’s not impossible, I love you, I _love_ you!”

Robbie held Sportacus’s head still in his hands, studying him. Sportacus was laughing, crying, his blue eyes happier than he’d ever seen them. Even full of energy, he held still and allowed Robbie to stare at him.

“... You’re serious.”

“I’m _serious!”_ Sportacus covered one of Robbie’s hands with his own. 

“Is that… is that why you’ve been so…”

Sportacus looked away. “Yes, I… couldn’t tell you. Robbie, you _hated_ me…”

_“What?_ What gave you that impression?”

Sportacus raised his eyebrows. 

“...Okay. So I hated you. Well, no, I didn’t, but - I thought I did.”

Sportacus kissed Robbie’s palms, then the scars trailing up his arm.

“So you weren’t just doing your job, then,” Robbie said.

“Maybe at first. I want to help people.” He punctuated his words with kisses. “But not anymore. When you’d push me away, I felt-”

“Heartbroken,” Robbie finished in a whisper.

They were interrupted by Rottenello, who was clearly annoyed at being sequestered away and leapt up to take his rightful place on the bed.

Suddenly Robbie looked terrified, and Sportacus’s heart sank. _Rottenello, please… Don’t come to me. Go to him._

Rottenello sniffed Sportacus suspiciously, and stared at him. Sportacus stared back, willing him not to start purring. 

The kitten sat down between them, confused, and began washing his face with one paw, watching them both out of the corner of his eye.

Robbie was pale. He reached a shaky hand out to Rottenello.

Rottenello sniffed it, then moved closer, studying him. He stared into Robbie’s desperate eyes, his tail twitching. 

Sportacus’s heart was pounding. _Please don’t take this away from him…_

Suddenly Rottenello jumped onto Robbie’s chest, turning in a circle a few times, and laid down on him, purring loudly.

Robbie let out the breath he was holding, and looked at Sportacus.

“I knew he’d know it was you,” Sportacus, who had not been sure of that at all, said brightly. “Elves believe cats are very wise. Part fae, even.” He looked at Robbie, who was stroking Rottenello possessively. “Like you.”

Robbie’s heart was still racing, and he wasn’t ready to talk yet.

“We should get some sleep.” Sportacus put his arm around Robbie again, and was again gratified to see that Robbie put his head on his chest without hesitation.

“Is this really happening?” Robbie sounded close to tears. “Sometimes I can’t tell.”

Sportacus hugged him tightly, careful not to crush Rottenello in Robbie’s arms. “It’s real. I promise.”

“You wouldn’t lie to me?”

“Never. I’d sooner cut off my arm.”

“That’s awfully gruesome, Sportacus.”

“It’s just the truth.” 

Robbie chuckled.

“Now go to sleep. We’ll still be here when you wake up.”

Robbie closed his eyes, and let himself drift off to the sound of the kitten purring and Sportacus’s easy breathing.

He still couldn’t believe that Sportacus loved him. But he thought, one day… he might be able to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that "13/?" at the top is not a mistake... there's still 1 chapter to go!!


	14. Chapter 14

Robbie awoke, confused, sweaty, and tangled in blankets. His dreams had been of some far-off place, filled with stars and magic and the smell of honeysuckle. Where was he? And why was it so damn _hot?_

His answer was sleeping next to him, an indentation from the pillow on his cheek, breathing evenly.

His heart thumped. _Sportacus._

It must have been early; Sportacus always woke up at the crack of dawn, no matter what. 

Robbie was still reeling from the events of the night before. It felt like a dream - he would wake up and Sportacus would be gone, would have never been there at all, and he’d have to live with these feelings alone.

But Sportacus had promised him, last night. _"It’s real."_ And he didn’t think Sportacus would lie to him, even in dreams. 

He stared at the elf beside him, who somehow looked resplendent even asleep. Full of life, even at rest. 

Robbie blushed as he remembered the things he’d said - the things he’d _done_ \- only a few hours before. How did Sportacus tolerate him?

He not only tolerated him, he… _loved_ him. That’s what he had said. And, as hard as it was to comprehend, Sportacus didn’t lie.

Robbie tentatively brushed a lock of hair away from Sportacus’s face, swallowing hard. God, he was so beautiful. 

Sportacus opened his eyes at Robbie’s touch, and gave him a big sleepy smile, stretching. “Robbie,” he purred, and wrapped his strong arms around Robbie’s waist.

Robbie froze, suddenly unsure of what to do. So Sportacus hadn’t changed his mind? He was just as happy to wake up next to Robbie as Robbie was to wake up next to him?

Sportacus nuzzled Robbie like a cat, and kissed him. “Good morning!”

“Whoa. Hey.”

Sportacus gave him a puzzled look.

“I have morning breath… I’m just warning you.”

Sportacus laughed, kissing him again. “Robbie, I don’t care!”

“Really?”

“Of course not!” He kissed Robbie’s face, his hair, his chest. “I love you at night, and I love you in the morning, and I love you in the afternoon, and all the time.”

 _Fuck. I’m crying again._ Robbie hastily wiped his eyes.

“So you… you still…”

Sportacus took Robbie’s face in his hands. “I still love you. I always will.”

That set off actual sobs this time, and Sportacus held Robbie tightly as he cried. “It’s okay, Robbie. I love you when you need to cry, too.”

Robbie held on just as tightly, silently begging Sportacus never to leave. “You shouldn’t,” he whispered through tears. “I’m a mess. I’m always going to be.”

“All I want is to be there for you. To help you, if I can. If you’ll let me.”

Robbie nodded quickly, and Sportacus didn’t loosen his grip until his tears abated. When Robbie pulled back a little, Sportacus smiled at him, and wiped his tears away. 

Robbie sniffed. “I know I must look hideous right now. How do you stand me?”

“Very easily!” Sportacus laughed. “You look beautiful, Robbie. You always do.”

“Are you sure you don’t need glasses too?”

Sportacus suddenly looked thoughtful. “I’ve been meaning to tell you. You look especially beautiful in glasses.”

“What? No, I look like a dork.”

“ _No,_ you look adorable.” Sportacus kissed him on the tip of his nose.

“So I should start wearing them all the time, even when you’re not in my body?”

“It’s up to you, but… I think you look good in them no matter where I am in relation to your body.” The mischievous look on Sportacus’s face threw Robbie into a laughing fit.

“Okay. Point taken. I’ll see what I can do.”

Sportacus snuggled up against him. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Robbie. Just be yourself.”

“But ‘myself’ is terrible.”

“I don’t see any evidence of that. Where are you getting this hypothesis? What are the sources? I thought you were a scientist, Robbie.”

Sportacus looked so serious, Robbie had to laugh again, and Sportacus joined in. 

“I really love you,” Robbie sighed.

Sportacus swallowed. “Will you say that again?”

“What? Why?” 

“I just… I just really like hearing it. I never thought I’d hear you say it.”

Robbie looked Sportacus in the eye. “I really put you through hell, didn’t I?”

“ _No!_ No, you didn’t -”

“Yes, I did. And I’m… sorry.”

“It’s okay, Robbie! Really.”

“I love you, Sportacus. Sorry… I’ll get better at saying that too. I promise.”

Sportacus hugged him so tightly that he felt his back cracking. “Do you still want to go with me? Home?”

“Yes. I’d really, really like that.”

Sportacus looked at him with tears starting to form in his eyes. “Robbie, I-”

They were interrupted by the crystal on the floor - of course Sportacus had brought it with him - flashing insistently.

Robbie’s heart sank. _No… not yet._ I don’t want him to leave yet.

Sportacus was up in a flash, and grabbed the crystal. “Someone’s in trouble! It’s…” He looked over at Robbie. “Rottenello?”

Robbie jumped up as well. “But he’s here! What’s -”

Sportacus ran out of the room, putting his pants on in record time, and Robbie followed after, pulling on his boxers. 

Rottenello was perched on one of the rafters in the lab, mewing in annoyance.

“What the -”

Sportacus backflipped over to the wall, and scaled the rafters, scooping Rottenello up with one hand and landing effortlessly on the ground in front of Robbie.

“This little guy is tricky!” he laughed, scratching behind the kitten’s ear and handing him to Robbie. “You’ll have to keep an eye on him!”

“How does he keep doing that?”

“Maybe he teleports. He’s very special, you know.”

Robbie looked into the kitten’s eyes. “I know.”

“Robbie, do you -” Sportacus hesitated. “Are we… I mean… do you want to be my… boyfriend?”

Robbie blinked.

“Only if you want to! If you don’t, that’s fine! We can take things slow if you -”

“I can do that?” Robbie blurted out, stunned.

“...What do you mean?”

“You’ll let me… you want to… date me?”

Sportacus scratched his head and chuckled, blushing. “If you want to. I know we went about this kind of backwards, but…”

“ _Yes!_ Definitely. If it’s okay with you.”

“Oh wow!” Sportacus clapped his hands to his face in surprise and delight. It was so cute Robbie had to kiss him. “Oh _wow,_ that’s great!”

He took Robbie’s hand and kissed it, like a prince in a fairy tale.

“Okay, Casanova. There’s a child present.” Robbie looked down at Rottenello pointedly.

Sportacus laughed. “You can be as sarcastic as you want, Robbie! I know you love me.”

Robbie couldn’t argue with that.  
___

Sportacus insisted on dragging Robbie along with him when he went into town. “I want to show you off to everyone!”

“Everyone’s seen me. It’s not impressive.”

“I want them to see you with _me_ ,” Sportacus said with a wicked grin. 

“Hmm. I don’t know. I’m very busy.”

“What do you need to do? Come up with another plan to run me out of town?”

“Yes.” Robbie tried to look as serious as possible, but Sportacus just laughed. Everything Robbie said made him laugh, and the sun was shining brightly, and the birds were singing, and it felt like Sportacus had never seen a day as beautiful as this one.

Stephanie was dancing with Ziggy in charge of the boombox, but as soon as she saw the two of them holding hands she gasped and raced over to them.

“It happened! It finally _happened!_ ” She jumped up and down and clapped her hands together, overcome with joy. “And you’re back to normal! You don’t know how long I’ve _waited_ for this!” 

“Me too,” Sportacus said, smiling.

She hugged him fiercely, then turned to Robbie. “If I hug you, are you going to pretend you don’t like it?”

He cleared his throat. “I don’t know. Give it a shot.”

She grinned, and hugged him, more gently than she had Sportacus. Robbie surprised himself by hugging her back. She really wasn’t such a bad kid, after all. 

“Come dance with me!” She grabbed Sportacus’s hand, and held the other out to Robbie.

Robbie eyed it suspiciously.

“Come on, Robbie! I know you love to dance. It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone. You can just act like your boyfriend made you do it.” She looked up at him with a sly grin.

He took her hand, and let himself pretend to be dragged over to the boombox. Actually, he felt like he had more energy today than usual. The sun’s light wasn’t as offensive, and the birds’ chirping wasn’t as annoying, and he let the music and Sportacus’s smile carry him away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it!! I don't really know what to say except... thank you all so much for all your kudos, comments, support, and kind words (and of course poetry!!). I have no doubt that I would never have written this much without any of that. 
> 
> I've made a playlist for this fic, which you can find right [here](http://8tracks.com/gunsforeyes/talk-is-cheap)!
> 
> And I am strongly considering writing a sequel to this - there's just so much I wasn't able to go into, and some questions I want to answer, and of course the boys are planning a trip!!
> 
> You can follow me on tumblr at [sportagun](https://sportagun.tumblr.com/) for updates on that and assorted Lazytown nonsense if you're interested, or on my main at [gunsforeyes](https://gunsforeyes.tumblr.com/). Please talk to me, don't be shy!
> 
> Thank you again for EVERYTHING!!! I love all of you so much!! <3 <3 <3


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